Free Happier Than She's Ever Been... by Menna van Praag Page B

could see the look of desire in her eye when another magazine editor called, when her agent negotiated bigger and bigger deals for TV and public appearances, when she saw another pair of four-hundred-dollar shoes in a shop window, even though she already had six similar pairs.
    It was Lily, who wasn’t so scared of losing May’s love, who finally confronted her. ‘They want you wearing what?’ she asked when May called to tell her about a photo shoot for a magazine.
    â€˜A corset,’ May said. ‘It’s not like I’m going to be naked.’
    â€˜And you don’t think it’s a bit… provocative, demeaning and entirely unnecessary. You’re a writer, not some sort of slutty film star.’
    â€˜Lil!’ May gasped, having never heard her publisher be so rude.
    â€˜I’m sorry,’ Lily said, ‘but film stars are expected to take their clothes off, aren’t they? And I’m pretty sure that writers are expected to keep them on. What does Ben think of this?’
    â€˜He’s fine with it.’
    â€˜You haven’t told him yet, have you?’
    â€˜No, but he will be,’ May said. ‘He’s supportive.’
    â€˜He’s scared of losing you,’ Lily retorted, ‘so he’s making the mistake of not taking care of you, of not telling you what he really thinks. I hope that corset’s supportive. Or you might be doing a topless spread.’
    May laughed. ‘Don’t be silly, I’d never do that.’
    â€˜Oh?’ Lily sounded sceptical. ‘It seems to me that you’re so lost in the fantasy world of fame and fortune right now that you’d trade in your morals, principles and integrity tomorrow if they offered you the cover of Vogue .’
    May was silent, crushed by Lily’s low opinion of her, but suddenly wondering if she’d ever, ever in a million years be in the pages of Vogue . The possibility lit up in front of her like a star falling to earth.
    â€˜Oh, I can’t believe it. You’re thinking about it now,’ Lily snapped, ‘aren’t you?’
    â€˜No,’ May said, horrified at being caught out. ‘No, of course I’m not.’
    â€˜I warned you this might happen, didn’t I?’ Lily said sternly. ‘You’re addicted. You’ve been corrupted. All the attention has gone to your head and you’ve lost your heart. You’ve forgotten that you started all this to fulfil yourself and then to help people. Not to be a success. And now that’s what matters most to you. You care too much for the least important thing at the expense of the only important thing.’
    â€˜No.’ May paused as she took in Lily’s words. ‘I don’t. Does it matter that I like the attention as long as I’m still helping people?
    â€˜Someone needs to save you from yourself before you sell your soul for a fantasy. Someone needs to love you more than they want you to love them.’
    â€˜What does that mean?’ May frowned.
    â€˜That they’ll have the guts to tell you the truth about what you’re turning into, even if you’ll hate them for it. You need an intervention,’ Lily said. ‘I’m just praying that boyfriend of yours grows a backbone – before it’s too late.’

    But Ben didn’t dare tell May the truth any more. He was still holding out for the moments, late at night, when May forgot about her adoring fans and photo shoots, and just curled up to him and squeezed him tight. He still cherished the now few-and-far-between times they talked about absolutely nothing, just to connect. He kept the engagement ring in the drawer of his bedside table, hoping that one day soon all the attention would be enough for her and she wouldn’t need it any more. He hoped that she still loved him enough to want him. He hoped she still knew herself enough to realise what was false and what was true.
    And then