Free Melissa Explains It All: Tales From My Abnormally Normal Life by Melissa Joan Hart

together, I knew we were more like brother and sister.
    My other on-set cohort was Jason Zimbler, who played my brother, Ferguson. He was always up for hanging out. We were both Yankees from the North who traveled to work, and when the show ended, we met up in Paris for the bat mitzvah of our foreign language teacher’s daughter. It was the last time we really hung out. We always got along, but believe me, we also knew each other’s secrets and how to push the other person’s buttons, much like real siblings do. Sean and Jason were the only peers I had for four years, so if I wanted to spend time with people my own age in Orlando, they were all I had. Sometimes I tried hanging out with the kids from The Mickey Mouse Club, like Keri Russell, but with our crazy work schedules and no driver’s license, it was logistically too hard to be friends.
    For a while, I kept in touch with the warm and wonderful Elizabeth Hess, who played my mom, Janet Darling. She introduced me to yoga and the ancient art of “breathing from your knees.” This was an inside joke between us. Elizabeth had taught me how to use my breath to relax parts of my body, and though it was a head-to-toe effort, I could never seem to loosen up below the knees. So during long, tedious scenes when we’d get the giggles, the only way we could calm down and refocus ourselves was for her to announce, “Breathe from your knees!” I still think of this when I’m tired, punchy, and need a minute for myself on set or at home. Years later, I also worked with my hilarious Clarissa dad, Joe O’Connor, when he guest-starred in a Christmas episode of Sabrina, the Teenage Witch . The rest of us just went back to our regularly scheduled lives. We have different interests and lives than when we worked on the show.
    I’ll also never forget that little beast Elvis! Clarissa’s pet baby alligator was only on set a few times, though it seemed like more because we used the same close-up shot of him multiple times each season. I was fascinated by his reptilian ways, but I wasn’t allowed to touch him. It was for his good and ours. For safety reasons, the animal wranglers made sure that nobody had a chance to upset the alligator. I was also told that if he ever got his chompers on my fingers, he’d hold on so tight that when I tried to pull my hand away, the force could potentially yank out his itty-bitty teeth. Of course, after shooting an episode about bullies, I might have been able to show Elvis who’s boss.
    The bully episode was one of my favorites. Here I fall for the jock Clifford Spleenhurfer, who picks on Ferguson at school, but I enjoyed shooting it so much because I really learned how to box! I still have a mean right hook. The absolute best episode, though, was the Brain Drain episode, where Ferguson and I compete in a Double Dare –like game show. We slid down a small slide, covered in slime, and into a pool of goo. Usually when you do stunts, you only have to do it once. But we went down the contraption twice, with a shower in between, and we were a complete mess both times. It was disgusting for sure, but still exciting to get paid for being so sloppy. I’d never been slimed before, even though it was Nickelodeon’s signature move.
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    At the end of every season, there was always the chance that the show wouldn’t be renewed, so every finale of Clarissa came with a tearful good-bye and an excuse to cut loose. Most networks that aren’t too cheap throw the cast and crew decent wrap parties with music, alcohol, and food. I treated ours like the mixers I was missing out on in high school. I planned my outfits, danced the night away, and bugged people to sneak me a drink. They never did, since they wanted to keep me, and their jobs, safe. At the end of every wrap party, the crew gathered around as the DJ played The Allman Brothers’ “Melissa.” This was always a special but difficult moment for me, since good-byes came next. Halfway through