thinking this is deviant?
Are they thinking this is wrong?
But to be honest, I don’t give a flying fuck, because with you I find just a little bit of happiness in a world filled by hate.
I wish so desperately sometimes I could say I had a fucked up childhood. That I was beaten or belittled. That I was bullied in high school and had no friends. However, it was the opposite. My parents loved me more than anything in this world and went to the ends of the earth to protect me from the evil and the monsters in it. I was the popular one in high school, picking on others. I was a bitch. I’m not going to lie about that. Some may still think I’m a bitch.
But me? I just think I’m a person who goes after what I want. I mean, you only live once, right? Why not go for it?
That’s why when Thomas made Rule Three, a part of me was okay with it, because I love Thomas, and I needed to break that. I just never expected to meet someone like you, someone who is the complete opposite of everything I’ve ever wanted, yet I’m so fascinated by you. I’m studying you, trying to figure out how I came across you, and why you’re willing to go through this to spend time with me.
Breathing deeply into my hair, you whisper, “All kinds of things.” My body trembles. I never thought I could want a person so much, especially someone like you. Clearing your throat, you chuckle. “Now, Stella. Let’s get going.”
I shake my head and try to erase the thoughts running through my mind of you and me together. “All right,” I mutter, following next to you.
“Oh, don’t frown. We will get to that part eventually.”
My eyebrows scrunch. I’m shocked you would say such a thing, that you would assume the two of us would do that. Yet I’m amazed you would be so cocky about our future. “What do you see for us, Alex? Honestly?”
You turn around and place your hands in the front pockets of your jeans. “Honestly?”
I can’t help but smile. You look like a small child standing there, biting on your bottom lip and barely looking in my direction. “Yes.” Then something takes over you. You meet my eyes, and I see a fire in them that sends sparks directly through my body. I want to take a step back, but I can’t. I’m glued to the concrete below us. If anything, I want to take step toward you, but I don’t do that either. I want to hear what you’re going to say. I need to hear it.
“I want us together, and I know you have Thomas also, but I don’t care. What I want is you. You intrigue me, and that’s why I’m doing this. I know we don’t really know one another, but I want to change that. That’s why as desperately as I want to kiss you right now, I’m not going to. At least for a while, not until you’re ready. I want to get to know you as a human being, as the beautiful woman you are. I want to know what you like. I want to know what makes you cringe, besides me cracking my fingers. I want to know what you’re afraid of so maybe one day I can protect you from it. It’s that simple, Stel. That’s what I want with you. And it’s killing me that you’re with someone else and not with me completely, but I have to do this right, so you can continue seeing whoever you want, but ultimately I want you to choose me.”
“Alex,” I lament. I wave a hand between us. “This is too much. I can’t do this. I shouldn’t have picked you. I should’ve found someone else.”
You place a hand over mine, and instantly it calms me. “Stella,” you say gently, “please, stay with me. Get to know me. Just as me.”
“And who are you?”
You smile a smile I’m growing fond of. “Why, I’m Alex McNeil. I like to paint. If I could do it full time and pay for my shitty apartment, I would in a heartbeat.”
I laugh. I really like your sarcasm and witty sense of humor. Your smartass-ness wins me over, along with your sensible attitude and clever personality. What won me over with Thomas? That’s quite simple—the