Free Arizona Pastor by Jennifer Collins Johnson

That’s why I want to marry her.”
    Wade sat forward and leaned against the desk. “But you have to decide now if you’re going to be committed even when you don’t want to be married to her.”
    Mel frowned. “But I hope he always wants to be married to me.”
    Wade glanced around his office. Books about all kinds of faith and relational topics covered two walls of shelves. He had just as many tomes loaded on his electronic reader. He didn’t have personal experience as a married man, but he’d witnessed enough marriages and divorces to know that what he was trying to say was true. How do I express it?
    He snapped his fingers. “Think of any relationship you’ve had, outside of the one with each other.” He pointed to both of them. “Tell me someone.”
    â€œMy cousin, Brock,” said Joel.
    â€œMy mom,” said Mel.
    â€œOkay.” Wade nodded. “Have you ever been so frustrated you didn’t want anything to do with them?”
    â€œI don’t really speak to Brock anymore. We were best buds until his family moved to Michigan. Then he kinda became a jerk,” said Joel.
    Mel snorted. “My mom’s driving me crazy right now. I avoid her every chance I get.”
    Wade cringed. Kristy would be devastated to hear Mel’s words. “If that relationship was a marriage, you would need to fix it. No matter how you feel about the person, you’re committed.” He waved his hand. “I’m not talking about abuse or infidelity. Those situations have to be dealt with on an individual and different basis.”
    He motioned to Joel. “You’d have to work through him being a jerk.” He turned to Mel. “And you’d have to deal with her driving you crazy. Does that make sense?”
    He handed a packet to the couple. One of his pastor friends had emailed the papers to him earlier, and Wade had printed them for Mel and Joel. “Go through these scriptures and answer the questions together sometime this week.” He picked up two sheets of paper and gave one to each of them. “But before you go, I want you both to fill out this questionnaire.”
    â€œI thought I was done with school,” Joel teased.
    â€œAs long as you’re alive, you’ll be learning,” said Wade. He stood and motioned to the door. “But I want you to answer the questions in different rooms. Bring me the papers when you’re done.”
    â€œThis is like a test.” Mel chuckled.
    â€œAnd we’ll go over the results next week,” said Wade.
    Mel rolled up the paper and swatted Joel’s arm with it. “You better not mess up.”
    Joel lifted his hands. “Just tell me the answers and I’ll be fine.”
    Wade shook his head. “No cheating. This is a solo activity.”
    The couple left the office, bantering over who would get which room. Wade’s heart tightened at the sight. He and Zella had done an activity much like the one he’d just given Mel and Joel. They’d worked through their individual expectations for each other, and he felt sure they’d looked at their pastor with the same love-filled, idyllic expressions.
    Renewed guilt seeped through his pores. He wished he’d had the chance to prove his commitment to Zella. It was his fault he’d never had the opportunity.
    He thought of the words he’d said to Mel and Joel about God’s agape love. God loved them unconditionally. In his mind, Wade knew God loved him the same, and yet he couldn’t seem to get past the guilt that he’d caused the accident that had taken such a ministry-filled servant from the world.
    It’s time to work through your guilt. His sister’s words churned through his brain. But Zella’s life had been worth more than two decades. He would never be able to toil hard enough to compensate for her life.
    * * *
    Kristy hadn’t been able to get any information