Free The Case of the Vampire Cat by John R. Erickson

breathless.”
    â€œWhat that means, dressless?”
    â€œIt means . . . well, I guess you’re wanting to hear the final opinion of our impartial panel of judges, and here it is.”
    I paused for a moment, just for dramatic effect, and pretended to be giving the matter deep and serious thought, although I had, uh, more or less already picked the winner.
    â€œOkay, guys, we’ve got a winner. Stand by. Our big winner in tonight’s contest is . . . Hank the Cowdog, doing ‘Ode to a Mother Skunk’!”
    No applause. Only blank stares.
    â€œBut you guys win the consolation prize, which is a one-week all-expenses-paid vacation in the next canyon. Congratulations and start moving, Kitty, these guys have been known to riot after a big defeat.” We began edging northward. “And boys, it was fun, we really enjoyed it, and what really matters is not who wins or loses but . . .”
    In a flash, they had changed positions and were blocking our path. Snort was grinning. “Huh! What really matter is cheat and win, then have big coyote feast.”
    â€œYes, Snort, but that would be . . . uh, cheating. And I know that you wouldn’t want history to record that you were a couple of cheaters, so to speak.”
    â€œHa! Coyote not give hoot for so-to-speaking. Only give hoot for big yummy supper. Start with cat, then eat Hunk too, oh boy!”
    Miss Kitty and I traded looks. She said, “I didn’t think it would work.”
    â€œQuiet. I’m not through yet. It’s going to get a little crazy from here on, so be prepared to play to my lead. And be ready to run.” I turned back to Snort. “Okay, fine. Now we know the truth about you guys. You cheat and can’t be trusted, and I guess that’s our tough luck.”
    â€œHa! Berry tough.”
    â€œBut before you proceed with this shameless travesty of justice, there’s something you should know about this cat.”
    â€œUh. Coyote eat cat in two bites, not give hoot for shameful tapestry.”
    â€œYeah? Well, you’d better hear me out and then you can make up your own minds. I mean, you guys are old enough now to start making your own decisions about, well, life and setting a good example for the youth of our . . .”
    â€œHunk get to point.”
    â€œRight, and here’s the point.” I left Mary D’s side and walked over to the brothers, and whispered, “Boys, two nights ago, that cat was bitten on the neck by a VAMPIRE!”
    There was a long moment of silence as the brothers stared at me with big empty eyes. “What means, bitten by umpire?”
    â€œNot an umpire, Snort, a vampire. Do you know about vampires?”
    He shook his head. “Coyote not play baseball, not give a hoot for fun and games.”
    â€œYeah, well, vampires aren’t fun and games.” I leaned forward and spoke in my spookiest voice. “Vampires are terrible scary creatures. They rise up out of the graveyard in the deep dark of the night, and they go moaning and crying through the night, looking for victims.
    â€œYou know what they do? They bite their victim on the neck and inject them with the deadly Vampire Virus, and then they tear out the victim’s throbbing gizzard . . . and EAT IT RAW!”
    I studied my audience. They were all ears and eyes. They were buying the story, I could tell.
    â€œAnd then, Snort, after doing all that, they turn their victim into a little squeaking mouse! Oh, and one last thing about vampires. They hate cheaters.”
    Snort spoke in a hoarse whisper. “Um. Coyote not crazy for meeting umpire.”
    â€œYeah? Well, you’re fixing to meet one right now. Watch this.” I turned to Mary D and gave her the Secret Sign—a slightly raised eyebrow. Then I closed my eyes and said the next part in the spookiest voice I could come up with:
    â€œSeven slithering slimy lizards,
    Spiderwebs and haunted houses.
    Arise, oh