teaspoon hot red pepper flakes, plus more for serving
½ cup dry white wine
1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh Italian parsley, for serving
In an 8- to 12-quart pot, bring 6 quarts of salted water to a rolling boil.
Place the clams in a large skillet, cover, and heat over medium-high heat for 3 minutes. Remove the lid and transfer any opened clams to a bowl to cool. Cover the skillet again and cook for 1 to 2 minutes more. Remove the lid and again transfer any opened clams to the bowl. If after 1 more minute of cooking, there are clams that haven’t opened, discard them and remove the skillet from the heat. Pour the broth released by the clams into a bowl and set aside.
Once the clams have cooled, remove the meat from three-fourths of the opened clams and chop finely. Discard the shells. If you can capture any leftover clam juice, add to the reserved broth. Set the clam meat and clams still in their shells aside.
Add the spaghetti to the boiling water and use a wooden fork to stir the pasta so it won’t stick together. Cook until al dente.
In the same skillet used to cook the clams, heat the olive oil over medium-high heat until hot. Add the garlic and red pepper flakes and cook for 2 to 3 minutes, until the garlic is fragrant but not burnt. Add the wine and cook for 3 to 5 minutes more, until it’s reduced by about one-third.
Add the chopped clams and the clams still in their shells to the skillet, along with ½ cup of the reserved broth. Reduce the heat to medium-low, season with salt and pepper to taste, stir the clams into the sauce, and cook for 3 to 5 minutes to coat the clams.
Drain the spaghetti and add to the sauce. Raise the heat to high and toss the cooked pasta and sauce together until the spaghetti is well coated, about 1 minute.
Serve with a drizzle of olive oil, and sprinkled with the parsley and a touch more red pepper flakes.
ON ENTERTAINING
D: The first great hostess I knew was my grandmother. She was a single woman living in a house in Queens. Until I was five years old my mother and I lived with her. She loved to set a beautiful table when people came over, and she always wore an apron over a pretty dress. She’d take off her heels, put on comfortable shoes, and get started. We had very little money but she insisted on a formal setting. She’d go out to her yard and cut hydrangeas and roses and various greens for floral arrangements. I remember the dishware as very eclectic, the cloth napkins never matched, and tablecloths couldn’t be called new. But she had a sewing kit and when something wore out, she’d mend it herself, sewing a hole or adding lace trim to freshen it up.
My mother had a more relaxed approach. Formality wasn’t her style: Creating a loose, fun vibe was. She wasn’t a great cook, but it was hard not to be caught up in the energy of the large, communal dinners she had. The stereo would blare Frank Zappa, The Doors, or Janis Joplin, psychedelic lights might be flashing, and there were usually dancing guests. There were always children around, too.
Until I met Gabriele, these were the hostesses whose styles were most imprinted on me. From my grandmother I inherited the importance of showing your guests you care, and how a meager budget and elegant, colorful table setting aren’t mutually exclusive. From my mother, I understood how that all-essential “let’s have a good time” atmosphere could overcome even the least-appetizing meal. Then I met Gabriele’s mother, a genius atparty preparation, and my hosting horizons expanded even further: I learned how with the right organization, you can throw a perfect party, and enjoy it yourself, without feeling frantic!
Here’s great advice I can give you on turning your next small dinner party, family get-together, or bells-and-whistles blowout into an opportunity to feel that special hosting pride.
PARTY SIZE
My favorite size of dinner party is six to eight adults: It’s manageable, there’s enough space, and