eyebrows.
“But it’s just how they talk, ya know?”
“Right.”
“All I’m saying is, when you marry someone, you might have to
marry their whole family, but at least you don’t have to sleep with them!”
“Amen to that,” Kirk said, raising his glass. Kirk had forgotten
how relaxing an afternoon whiskey could be. After all, the last time he’d had
one was never. “And how did you meet your wife, Paul?”
“She works on the other side of campus. She’s a chemical
engineer.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, it’s great,” Paul said. “We both think we married up!”
Kirk laughed.
“I’m glad you set up this meeting, Kirk.”
“You are?”
“Yeah. It’s good to get to know the people you’re sharing the
tiles with.”
Kirk nodded.
“I should’ve done it weeks ago.” Paul swirled the whisky in his
glass. “To see how you were getting on here.”
“No news is good news, right?”
“So they say.”
“And how long have you been here?”
Paul rolled his eyes up and thought. “I want to say about
thirteen years because we were settled and Priti was pregnant.”
“Wow. So you’re the expert when it comes to how things work
around here.”
“I like to think I’ve learned a few things over the years, yeah.
But there’s not much to know really. When it comes to our department, we get
left alone for the most part.” Paul leaned back in his chair. “We get about the
same amount of funding every year as long as the program maintains its
reputation, which I’m sure you know is very good.”
“Yes.”
“And personally, I’ve found that the secret to earning your
tenure and being able to do your research in peace is keeping a low profile.”
“How do you do that?”
“Simple. Keep your students happy.”
“Keep your students happy?” Kirk repeated as if it were a piece
of meat he hadn’t quite bitten through the first time.
“Yeah,” Paul said. “Keep your classes engaging, your material
current and make sure you are available for students who need extra help. I’ve
found that if you do those three things, you can come to work, collect your
paycheck, and enjoy a decent quality of life.”
“Sounds straightforward enough.”
“It is. It is, absolutely.” Paul crossed his ankle over his
knee. “And I think it goes without saying that if you do those things it makes
my life a whole lot easier because I don’t have to babysit you or defend you to
anyone.”
“So everybody wins.”
Paul raised his glass again. “So everybody wins.”
Kirk drained the last of his glass and felt the whiskey warming
his belly. “And as the department head, do professors come to you often with, I
don’t know, disciplinary problems?”
“Not really, no.” Paul wrapped his fingers around his chin.
“Sometimes we have to deal with a cheating incident, but that usually only
happens with athletes in the lower level psych courses, so it wouldn’t be a
problem for you.”
Kirk nodded. “I’m just curious how you would suggest handling
problems like that because I know every school has different policies.”
“Well, if I were the jerk that was in charge when I started
here, I’d tell you to go read the employee handbook.” Paul leaned forward. “But
out of respect for your time, I’ll just tell you what’s worked for me.”
“Thanks.”
“Basically, unless someone is in physical danger or in danger of
damaging the programs’ reputation, I usually handle issues on a case by case
basis with the student directly.”
Kirk nodded.
Paul cocked his head. “Are you having an issue with a student,
Kirk? You know you can talk to me.”
“No,” Kirk lied. “Everything’s fine.” He shrugged. “I just like
to be prepared. Just in case.”
“My kind of guy. Was there anything else you specifically wanted
to ask me about?”
“No. I just wanted to stop by to catch up and let you know I’m really
starting to feel settled.”
“That’s great to hear.”
Kirk nodded. “Yeah.