Free Great Sex Secret by Kim Marshall

connection until adulthood. It is not an engineering problem, though.
    You can’t figure it out with the neocortex alone…that thickly ruffled top layer of fish-gray tissue that cogi-tates, hesitates, and second-guesses every impulse.
    Instead you must tap into a more ancient neural locus, the hypothalamus, which sits on the floor of your brain…and reigns over appetite: for food, salt, power, sex.
    As they get older, many girls who have discovered this private pleasure run into the widespread social 7 6
    T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t taboo against masturbation and stop doing it or, if they continue, wrestle with feelings of shame and guilt. One woman quoted in The Hite Report put it this way: When you’re young, you masturbate/touch yourself instinctually, then you stop when you hear it’s “wrong”
    and “naughty,” and then you try the rest of your life to get other people to touch you the same way, only they hardly ever do it right!
    No wonder masturbation is common among women who are not fulfilled by intercourse (and sometimes by those who are). Some women masturbate with their fingers, others rub up against a pillow or sheets, others squeeze their thighs together, others use vibrators, and others use the stream of water from Jacuzzis or hand showers (a use that, for some reason, their designers don’t advertise). For these women, masturbation is good clean fun without the
    interpersonal complica-
    Women who aren’t sexually
    tions of making it hap-
    satisfied by intercourse
    pen during intercourse.
    sometimes see it as a portal
    What about women
    to other sources of happiness,
    who, for religious or
    including security,
    personal reasons, are
    intimacy, children, and even
    not comfortable with
    domestic bliss.
    masturbation and are
    Fa k i n g I t a n d D e a l i n g w i t h I t 7 7
    “pre-orgasmic” (a term coined by Lonnie Barback in For Yourself ) when they have their first sexual relationship?
    Because they have never touched their genitals in a sexual way, they have only a vague sense of what produces pleasure, and this puts them at a disadvantage when they first have intercourse. This lack of self-knowledge means that they are less likely to communicate well with their partner (the same inhibitions that keep them from masturbating prevent them from speaking up), and they are unlikely to have orgasms during intercourse. A truly unfortunate lovemaking scenario is when a woman who has not learned how to give herself an orgasm goes to bed with a sexually inexperienced man. It’s a case of the blind leading the blind, and the woman is almost certain to wind up sexually frustrated.
    Nowadays, sexually unsatisfied women who don’t masturbate can’t set up a weekly appointment with a doctor for “vulvular massage” or take trips to a spa for
    “hydrotherapy.” With no other outlet, they live without sexual gratification. Maybe they won’t have symptoms of “hysteria,” but there are likely to be other conse-quences within their intimate relationships. The frequency of intercourse with their partners might drop (“I’m too tired”), or sex might completely disappear from the relationship (the “sexless marriage”).
    Alternatively, women who are unsatisfied by intercourse might try increasingly exotic practices (anal sex, 7 8
    T h e G r e a t S e x S e c r e t fisting, bondage, and sado-masochism, etc.); watch pornography (which is easier than ever to get on cable TV and the Internet, at video stores, and in hotel rooms—and don’t worry, the movie title won’t appear on your bill!); have an affair with another man (introducing novelty, the excitement of new love, and an element of danger); or have sex with another woman (from a realization of genuine lesbian or bisexual orientation—
    or frustration with the available guys).
    But while these avenues might be helpful some of the time, they do not address the real problem—the basic anatomical difficulty of a woman getting deep sexual