Free Secret for a Nightingale by Victoria Holt

intimately than ever before, She said: “I don’t know how I shall live without Stephen.”
    “Perhaps,” I said rather falsely, for I knew this could not be, ‘he will recover. “
     
    “No,” she replied sadly. It is impossible. Right up to a month ago I went on hoping that he might get well. There were times when he was almost his old self. But really he was gradually getting worse. He has always talked to me a good deal about the estate. It is only recently that he realized it would pass to Aubrey, who has never till now shown much interest in it. “
    “He certainly has a great deal now.”
    “Yes, he’s changed. I suppose it is because he knows it can’t be long before it is his. We ; .. Stephen and I … always thought that there could be children.”
    We were silent for a few moments and then she burst out:
    “Oh, Susanna, I can’t tell you how much I have longed for children.
    Stephen did too. It was the one thing in which I failed him. “
    “You can’t blame yourself for fate.”
    “I would have done anything. I had three miscarriages.”
    “Oh, I’m sorry.”
    “The first … I think was my own fault. In four months I should have had my child. I went riding and lost it. I was so fond of riding. We all were … Stephen, Aubrey and myself. We rode everywhere. It was folly. That was the first. And sometimes when that sort of thing starts it goes on.”
    “How very sad.”
    “I was so careful the next time. But after two months I had lost the child. I went to three the next time.”
    “That must have been terrible.”
    “A great disappointment to us both and I think particularly to me. I felt so strongly that I had failed Stephen. He desperately wanted a child … a boy whom he could train to look after things here.”
    “I do understand.”
    “Oh well… that’s life, I suppose.”
    “I suppose so.”
    “Forgive my outburst. But you seem so sympathetic. I am sure you will be very good for Aubrey. He needs someone like you.”
     
    “Oh, I think he is very well able to stand on his own feet.”
    She did not answer. She just looked infinitely sad thinking of those lost children, I supposed.
    One day I was alone with Stephen. Aubrey had gone to one of the farms on the estate. I was in my room when Amelia came to me and said that Stephen would-like to see me.
    I went down to the sickroom. He was seated in a chair wrapped up in blankets. I thought he looked even more ill than he did in bed.
    I sat beside him and after we had talked a little Amelia left us alone for a short while.
    Stephen said to me: “I am glad that you are marrying Aubrey.”
    “I am so pleased you feel like that. Many families disapprove of newcomers to the circle. I had no idea when I met Aubrey that he lived in a place like this.”
    He nodded.
    “It’s a responsibility. He will be the one to carry on. It is like a chain that has been forged over the centuries. One doesn’t like to think of its being broken. If I’ had had a son …”
    He shook his head sadly and I thought of what Amelia had told me.
    “But now … I’m glad you’re here. He needs someone … steady .. someone who will look after him and prevent his …” He paused. I believe he was on the point of saying something important, but he changed his mind. He patted my hand, and went on: “I am sure since I have met you … that you are the one for him.”
    “Thank you.”
    “You will be strong. Strength is what he needs. You see …”
    I looked at him steadily, but he was silent.
    I prompted him.
    “Yes … you were saying …”
    The sunken eyes seemed to probe my mind. He was trying to tell me something. Or perhaps trying to make up his mind whether to or not. A great curiosity came to me. I was sure
     
    it was something I should know. And it concerned Aubrey.
    Then he lay back in his chair and closed his eyes. Amelia came in.
    We had tea together.
    I wondered what it was he had been going to tell me.
    It was late afternoon. There were dark