Free The Color of Hope (The Color of Heaven Series) by Julianne MacLean Page B

shoulders. “So where do you go from here?”
    “I’ll ask my parents to come for a visit,” I replied, “and start making up for lost time.”
    I believed, in that moment, with every fibre of my being, that it was right thing to do. It may surprise you to learn that I still believe it today, despite what happened later.

Chapter Twenty-seven
    Nadia
    H AVE YOU EVER wondered how many degrees of loneliness there are? I’m sure you must understand what I’m talking about. Surely everyone has experienced some form of loneliness in their life, whether it’s temporary and fleeting, or painful and on-going.
    Maybe your husband went on a business trip, and you felt lonely in your empty bed. Or maybe your best friend moved away and you were devastated; you missed her terribly, and you were certain your loneliness would never go away.
    I’ve experienced varying degrees and intensities of loneliness in my life. Much of it takes me back to my childhood, when my parents argued and my father left, and I never saw him again. I spent a lot of time alone when my mother worked long hours, and I was never sure that she wouldn’t leave some day, too. I felt very much alone in those situations, and I became accustomed to it, because it was ever-present.
    It goes without saying that no child should ever be without a loving family, but sometimes it simply can’t be helped. We can’t all grow up in a perfect world. Sometimes a child has to learn how to be independent, self-sufficient, and tough – on the inside and out. I believe I learned that early on, but in the process, I learned other things, too, like how to keep people at a distance. How to keep from caring too much and to rely only on myself.
    These were things I would eventually have to un learn. But first, I had to hit rock bottom, and experience loneliness from a whole new perspective.

    As I rode the subway to meet Diana’s family and potential future husband for the first time, I marveled at the fact that I was not nervous. To the contrary, I felt hopeful and excited, which is a far cry from my initial reaction when I opened and read Diana’s letter at my desk on that fateful rainy day.
    My first reaction had been anger. I was jealous of the life that had been handed to her and not to me. But our dinner together had somehow wiped that away. By the end of that night, my animosity vanished, for I experienced something profound – something I’d never experienced before. I’m not even sure how to explain it.
    My mother, on her deathbed, told me she loved me, and I believe with all my heart that she did. In spite of all her failings, I knew she tried her best, and I loved her for sticking around all those years.
    My first meeting with Diana, however, introduced me to something new. What I felt for my twin – in the first instant when we embraced – was a connection few people in the world can ever truly comprehend. It was a different kind of love. Though we had spent our lives apart and were virtual strangers, by the end of the evening, my eyes were wide open, and I realized that she was the missing link to everything . She was the answer to all my questions about my purpose in the world. Suddenly I had a true sense of self. I knew exactly who I was.
    Diana was everything I ever wanted to be, but never believed I could be – because I wasn’t smart enough, lucky enough, or pretty enough. When I met her and saw myself in her, I began to feel inspired.
    This is what I am capable of . That’s what I told myself. I admired her confidence and all the outer details that were so damn impressive.
    I went home that night, amazed by the fact that we were so much the same. The only difference was our financial circumstances and our life experiences, but weren’t those things external? That had nothing to do with my genetics. Or my soul. The past was finished now. The future was mine to make of it whatever I wanted.
    Diana may have benefited from a higher education and social