Free The Color of Hope (The Color of Heaven Series) by Julianne MacLean

never knew anything about my birth mother. I never even tried to learn who she was. I suppose I didn’t want to think about it. Maybe I was avoiding something I knew was missing. Something painful.”
    Nadia placed her elbows on the table and rested her chin on the heels of her hands. “Funny,” she said, “there was never any doubt in my mind that something was missing from my life. I always knew it, and I always felt deprived, as if I was floating out to sea with nothing to hang on to but a banged up life ring. I thought it was because we didn’t have any money, and my mom was always working, so I was alone a lot. But now that I think about it, I probably knew that I had lost my real family, and I wasn’t where I was supposed to be.” She, too, glanced around at the other patrons in the restaurant. “I’ve always had a hard time connecting with people, because I expect them to leave me eventually. I never had a best friend I could trust to stick around forever.” She leaned back in her chair. “That word... Forever . I roll my eyes whenever I see it engraved on bracelets, or written in greeting cards.”
    “I’m sorry, Nadia,” I said. “I’m sorry that we were separated, and I’m especially sorry about your mom.” After a long pause, I was brave enough to ask the question: “Are you involved with anyone? A boyfriend? Are you married?”
    “No,” she said, “I’ve had a few relationships, but nothing has ever lasted more than a few months. Boyfriends always tell me I’m too clingy. What about you?”
    “I’m living with someone,” I replied. “Actually, he’s the friend I mentioned in my letter – the one who came to your office to check and see if you were my double. He asked for directions to the restroom.”
    Nadia’s head drew back in surprise. “Oh, my God, yes. The other day... I remember him. Really good looking. Colgate smile.”
    I was amused by her description. “That’s him. His name is Rick, and he encouraged me to contact you.”
    Nadia’s chest rose and fell with a heavy sigh. “Well.” She picked up her beer and took a sip. “You’re a lucky girl. Are you going to marry him?”
    For a long moment I sat there, uncertain, unable to answer. I just stared across the table at her.
    Then I confessed something I hadn’t confessed to anyone. Not my mother, not my sister Becky, or any of my closest friends.
    “We don’t really talk about the future,” I said. “To tell you the truth, I’m not even sure he ever wants to get married, or have children. He seems to be allergic to anything permanent.”
    “What do you want?” Nadia asked, and I was strangely comforted by the sight of my reflection in her eyes.
    How odd, that I felt I could trust this woman with my deepest insecurities – a woman I’d only just met – and that she would understand. It was as if I had met my alter ego. Another version of myself. Was that overly romantic and naïve of me? Was I too trusting?
    Perhaps.
    “I want to get married and have kids,” I told her. “Not right away, of course. I’m just getting started with my career, but by the time I’m thirty, I’d like to have certain things secured.”
    “ Secured .” Nadia dropped her gaze to her lap. “That’s an interesting word. I’ve always believed that nothing can ever be truly secure. You never know when the rug is going to get pulled out from under you. One of us could walk out that door tonight and get hit by a bus.”
    “True,” I replied, “but you can’t live your life like that, expecting the worst to happen. You have to hold on to the hope that everything is going to turn out right. Eventually.”
    “Mm... eventually . I’m still waiting for that day. Haven’t seen much sign of it.”
    The waiter returned, and this time we didn’t send him away. We picked up our menus and ordered the first thing that looked appetizing. I ordered the trout and Nadia ordered chicken.
    The conversation took a lighter turn after that,