Free St. Clair (Gives Light Series) by Rose Christo

asked Rosa. I helped her sit on the
    ground. "These old bones don't work the way they
    used to," she told me with a chuckle.
    "Rafael wants the name Eurydice," Gabriel said,
    and pulled a face. "I don't think that's happening."
    Rafael scowled. His back was against the tree
    trunk, his visage dark.
    "One day your face is going to get stuck that way,
    Raf," Gabriel cautioned. "So--how's everyone
    doing?"
    I thought the conversation was a little awkward;
    because, of course, everyone was trying very hard
    not to bring up Kelo v. New London and the
    uncertainty of the reservation's future. I glanced
    curiously at Rafael, wondering whether he'd
    mentioned the pine beetle plan to either Gabriel or
    Rosa. His face, smoldering, betrayed nothing.
    Then again, his face was always smoldering--but
    not on purpose. He just couldn't help it.
    I sat next to Rafael and playfully flicked his
    braids. He ducked his head away from my hand.
    "I need to talk to you," he said.
    Oh, great.
    Mary started regaling our families with lovely
    anecdotes about food poisoning. Rafael and I
    walked around the side of the house for privacy.
    Rafael suddenly looked furious.
    I couldn't understand. Rafael was a very moody
    boy, it's true; but his moods always followed a
    precise pattern. For example, if he was angry
    about the Bureau of Land Management, he would
    have said as much when we first found out what
    they planned on doing to the reserve. Belated
    anger wasn't like him.
    I pressed my fingertips into the grooves of his
    dimples. I tried to stretch his mouth in a silly
    smile. He batted my hand away.
    I deflated. If I was the one he was angry with--
    "I'm mad," he said, and his voice was low. "I'm
    mad because somebody hurt you, and I can't do
    anything about it."
    I stared at him. I smiled slowly, though I wasn't
    feeling very humorous.
    "You can't talk; but I can learn sign language. You
    can't sing; but I can make you a flute. What am I
    supposed to do when somebody rapes you?"
    I felt like my head was exploding. I gave his
    shoulder a quick shove--maybe a little too quick. I
    wasn't--that was disgusting. I wasn't a girl.
    "Do you even get it? That somebody hurt you?"
    It didn't hurt , I signed.
    "You know what I mean," he snarled.
    I'm not some helpless --
    "You were."
    My head was killing me.
    "You know Joseph Little Hawk? Annie's brother?
    He's, what, seven?"
    Seven and a half.
    "How would you feel if someone tried to have sex
    with him?"
    I can tell you how I felt. I felt like I was going to
    throw up.
    "Yeah," Rafael said bitterly. "That's how I feel.
    Only multiply it by about a thousand."
    I let my face fall into my hands. I slid down
    against the side of the house.
    Rafael sat next to me.
    "You know how you always freak out when you
    have to undress in front of someone? And how you
    always act like your body's really ugly? You ever
    think there's a reason for that?"
    I didn't like this. I really didn't like this. I just
    wanted him to shut up.
    "You're not ugly. Sky, you're-- You know when
    you first came to the reservation, and everyone
    was like, 'Holy crap, it's a white boy'? My
    thoughts were more like, 'Holy crap, why can't I
    stop looking at him?' And it wasn't because you
    were ugly."
    I didn't know what to say. I wasn't too keen on
    meeting his eyes. I still wanted him to shut up; but
    by the same token, I could feel the warmth pooling
    in my belly, the heat flooding my face.
    "Look," Rafael said, sounding flustered. "I can't...I
    don't know how to change the past. I wish I did.
    But if you give me her name--I could take a blood
    law on her, they can't arrest me if I come back to
    the reservation--"
    I looked at Rafael, mortified. I didn't want him to
    kill anyone.
    Rafael looked down at his knees. "You're too
    soft," he mumbled. "I told you. I'd only known
    you for a few months before I figured out what
    kind of a person you were. You've never had a
    bad thought about anyone. Don't act like it's not
    true. It is."
    I didn't think it