Free Chasing Abby by Cassia Leo

Chris doesn’t want any more kids. He’s already planning all the vacations we’re going to take once Ryder goes off to college. The honeymoon we never really had after our wedding, when we had to return for Tristan’s grandmother’s funeral.
    Positive. 
    Are the manufacturers of pregnancy tests trying to tell me that being pregnant at thirty-seven is a positive thing?
    No. This is definitely not a positive thing. I thought our days of changing diapers, researching nannies, and struggling through hours of homework help were over. 
    I grab the pink and white test stick off the counter and hold it up close to make certain that it’s a plus sign I’m seeing. It’s definitely a plus sign. So that’s it. I’m pregnant.
    I grab a large wad of toilet paper and wrap it around the test, then I throw it in the waste bin. I don’t want Chris to find it. I want to be the one to break the news to him.
    “Honey, remember that time twelve years ago when you wanted one more child? Well, better late than never!”
    Oh, God. You’d think I’d know better by now. I decided to switch from the IUD birth control to pills. I was getting a lot of cramping and I was afraid of possible scarring. I understood that getting pregnant after having an IUD implant for so many years would be very difficult. We were just waiting for my first menstrual cycle to arrive so I could begin taking the pills. It never came and now here I am. 
    I grab another large wad of toilet paper so I can push the wrapped test stick to the bottom of the waste bin, but a knock on the bathroom door startles me and I drop the paper into the toilet.
    Shit. “Who’s there?”
    “Babe, it’s me. You have to come out here. Now!”
    I pull another wad of toilet paper off the roll and hastily stuff it in the waste bin to cover the test stick. As I wash my hands, he knocks again and urges me to hurry up. I dry my hands on a towel then open the bathroom door, ready to yell at Chris for being impatient with me. Then I see his face and I know something is wrong.
    “What happened?” 
    I reach for his face to feel the tears on his cheeks, to know they’re real, but he pushes my hand away. I haven’t seen Chris cry since he found out I was pregnant with Jimi. His eyes got a bit misty when Joel had a heart attack and Jackie was crying uncontrollably. Just like her son, Jackie rarely cries, so it’s always difficult to watch when either of them is overwhelmed by emotion. I almost don’t want to know what has Chris this upset.
    Chris reaches for my hands, his eyes fixed on them as he pulls my hands together and holds them against his chest. “She’s here.”
    I can’t speak or breathe. My chest tightens and I open my mouth, trying to gasp for air, but I feel as if my throat has closed. As if every emotion I’ve felt over losing Abby these past eighteen years has suddenly welled up inside me and I’m about to burst.
    Chris finally looks up to see my reaction and his eyes widen. “Claire, breathe. Breathe, baby.”
    I pull my hands out of his grip and cover my face as the first sob spills out, quickly followed by more.
    “Claire, we have to hurry up and get down there. I don’t want her to leave before you get to see her. Please, babe.”
    He wraps me in the comfort of his arms and I take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I don’t want her to see me like this, but I need to get down there. Finally, I push Chris back and he flashes me a weak smile as I wipe his face clean.
    “She’s really here?”
    He nods and grabs my hands. “She’s really here. And she’s so damn beautiful… She looks like you and Ryder.”
    I press my lips together and focus on breathing deeply to keep from breaking down again. “Okay, let’s go.”
    He takes my hand in his and leads me out of the bedroom. I can feel the hope pulsing back and forth between us, surrounding us, giving everything a hazy glow. My heart is thumping so hard, my ears are aching. I grip Chris’s hand tighter