Free How to Successfully Kidnap Strangers by Max Booth III Page A

hit the fan.
    Hopefully, Lewis would be in Mexico by then.
    Of course, he hadn’t expected this slight kidnapping detour. This had definitely thrown him off his itinerary. He’d been driving for over two days and had only stopped to fall asleep in truck stop parking lots. He hadn’t eaten since he left home. His body was overheated, rotting, dying. So he got off the highway, thinking he’d stop for a burger or something. He doubted the police were after him yet. Helga’s headless corpse was still at home, being feasted on by insects. Only instead of a burger, he stumbled across some lunatic beating the shit out of another guy. In all honesty, he probably wouldn’t have even stopped if they hadn’t been right in the middle of the road. The burger joint was in sight, but he couldn’t fit his car around them, so he was left without a choice. He got out and grabbed the psycho off the fat guy, thinking how good it’d feel to decapitate the both of them. Except it didn’t come to that. The man had some kind of superhuman strength. Maybe it was drugs. Maybe it was just insanity. Lewis understood insanity. Insanity fueled humanity. In any case, Lewis was quickly overpowered, and soon he was on the ground next to the fat guy, getting his face punched in.
    He kind of found it funny. This is what happened when you tried to be nice, when you tried to help someone else out. You got the shit kicked out of you. You got kidnapped.
    Ah well. It wasn’t that big of a deal. These dumbasses clearly had no idea what they were doing. It was only a matter of time before they slipped up, and then he’d be back on his way to Mexico, his collection in the trunk a little heavier.
    He only hoped his heads were okay. Those things were priceless.

21. HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS
    S o, let’s say we kill them,” Nick said, already knowing it would never come to that. He’d rather go to prison than have to resort to murder, or allow any of his friends the same fate. Except maybe Billy. That fucker. Wherever he was hiding. But still, it was a fair option, and Nick felt he ought to let the fantasy play out so they could move on to serious ideas.
    “How would we do it?” Louise asked.
    Nick didn’t have an answer for that question, and after a few minutes of disturbing silence, nobody else did either. He sighed, relieved. He really didn’t want anybody to already have a murder plan. He didn’t doubt for a second that they could come up with some creative ways to kill and dispose of the hostages, but none of them were about to seriously consider the possibility. They were writers, not killers.
    When Nick moved on to the next option, Stephen’s face returned to a somewhat normal color. It was clear he’d been on the verge of puking again, and everybody was relieved when it didn’t happen.
    “Right, so we won’t kill them,” Nick said. “And, no offense, guys, but I highly doubt we’re capable of taking care of two grown men for the rest of our lives without anybody catching us, so that option is out, too. Which leaves us with just letting them go.”
    “Should we ask for a ransom first?” Louise asked, and Stephen shook his head, disgusted. “What? How the fuck else are we ever gonna make bank if we don’t cash in on a couple of opportune hostages, right?”
    “You’re crazy,” Stephen said. “I can’t do this anymore with you.”
    “Whatever, dude.”
    Nick cleared his throat. He didn’t have time for their petty shit. “A ransom would draw more attention from the police, don’t you think? We don’t really want that. The less attention, the better.”
    “Is that true, though?” She leaned forward, excited again. “Think about it, guys. We could be fuckin’ famous. Screw this being poor, hustling bullshit. No more panhandling online for people to buy our books. We could be famous. Go on the run, rob some places, kidnap more people. We’d be motherfuckin’ legends.”
    Stephen pushed back from the kitchen table and stood