Free The Brief and Frightening Reign of Phil by Unknown

Special Friends made a display of Freeda’s parts, by stringing some from trees and setting others on rocks, placing, near each, per Phil, a sign reading: “Loyalty—It’s Super!”
    Then, almost as an afterthought, Phil nodded to Jimmy, who plucked Old Gus out of the Peace-Encouraging Enclosure and disassembled him, which went very quickly, Old Gus being so frail, brittle, and greaseless.
    “PROGRESS CONTINUES APACE!” shouted the second little man.
    “TOTAL VICTORY IN SIGHT!” shouted the third.
    A great high-pitched wailing now sounded from Inner Horner.
    It may have been this that caused Phil’s rack to spasm.
    Oh shoot, wow, Phil thought, that really hurts.
    He had only got this same spasming sensational once before in his life, and that had been the worse, due to, just after that, his speech would began suffering.
    Darn, Phil thought. It are happening now, somewhat slight.
    He’d better hurry, get this Phase III wropped up, so he could go homer and find that stupid brawn, and re-mont it.
    “That one,” Phil gasped, indicating Curtis, and Jimmy yanked Curtis out of the Peace-Encouraging Enclosure, and Jimmy unlatched Curtis’s Lower Half, and Vance unbraided the nine tightly braided ropes that constituted Curtis’s Upper Half, and Jimmy removed the three bolts joining Curtis’s perfectly round head full of thick wavy hair to his Neck Platform, and soon Curtis had been reduced to a twitching pile of parts oozing hydraulic fluid.
    At that moment, Dale, Citizen #9 from Greater Keller, burst out from behind the Outer Horner Cafe and sprinted off towards Greater Keller, his shock and disgust at all he had seen causing him to inscribe what was, for him, a remarkably linear path.
    “What the heck was that?” said Melvin.
    “It sure looked weird,” said Leon.
    “And it sure ran funny,” said Larry.
    The truth was, relative to the Inner and Outer Hornerites, the Greater Kellerites did look weird. They had no mechanical or botanical parts, and were tall and whippetlike and stood permanently leaning off to one side as if going around a bend, which, normally, they were.
    They were also, it should be mentioned, huge: approximately three times the height of the Special Friends, with significantly less body fat. And longer legs. Their legs were long and lean from constant walking, and they never got tired, and their faces were slightly beveled and aerodynamic, and so, once you got them going, they were incredibly fast runners.
    Dale, the fastest of all, reached Greater Keller just six minutes after he left the Border Area.

    Nine minutes after Dale left the Border Area, the nation of Greater Keller, coffee cups clinking nervously against their saucers, listened as Dale concluded his report.
    “Cliff, how are we doing?” President Rick tersely asked the National Enjoyment Assessor.
    “Well, we’ve been better, sir,” said Cliff. “Although our coffee cups are full and we have, on average, four cookies remaining on our plates, the National Life Enjoyment Index Score has dropped to an alarming Three out of Ten. I would attribute this to anxiety associated with Dale’s report. In fact, Mr. President, knowing our people as I do, I foresee continued significant downturns in the NLEIS, if we do not in some way address Dale’s findings.”
    “People will mope and feel guilty?” said President Rick.
    “I’m afraid so,” said Cliff.
    “Our coffee will not taste as good?” said President Rick. ” When regarding a beautiful vista or hearing a delightful bon mot, our hearts will not be as uplifted, due to we will be thinking of those people far away who need our help?”
    “Basically, yes,” said Cliff.
    “Maybe we should send out an Expeditionary Force,” said the First Daughter.
    “Oh, gosh, I don’t know,” said President Rick. ” I mean, if this new President is as bad as Dale says, isn’t it possible that he might do something bad to our Expeditionary Force? And therefore, wouldn’t it be better to