Free The She-Hulk Diaries by Marta Acosta Page B

seven seconds. I didn’t include panty hose removal because that’s hopeless.
    I ordered wholesale lots of panty hose in nude, matte sheer, sheer satin, opaque, and patterns for fun. The only good advice Tony Stark ever gave me was “Spare no expense on those incredible legs, baby.”
    I’m counting the suits and stockings as 75 points, so my score this week is already 500 + 50 + 75 = 625. It’s only sensible to allow myself to carry over extra points since I can’t be expected to get a new job every week. If my total goal is 5200 points/year, then I only have to accrue 4575 more points for my resolutions to be a success!
    Back to the topic of attire: I really want stylish boots that I can wear to work and wear out. Tony was always talking about how sexy the other girls at the Mansion looked in their boots. I will make stealthy inquiries about modified leather that can expand to fit She-Hulk’s big old feet. If I figure that out, I’d give myself 200 points. Or 300 even, because boots are important.
    I don’t know what category to put Claude in because he’s not job-related or cultural, but he is a man and Dahlia would say he qualifies as a romance interest, at least chromosomally.
    I went down to talk to my doorman/PFLOML, during his break in the little office behind the lobby. I’d figured out that the crux of his tax problem was nonpayment on a rental property in Queens. I told him that and mentioned that he’d also missed significant deductions.
    My PFLOML scratched his head and gave me the following info:
The building had been his uncle’s welding shop.
The current tenant worked for Joocey Jooce, which explained the coupons.
Claude was not a Joocey Jooce aficionado because citrus gave him acid reflux, but he did enjoy a warm glass of milk before bed.
Said tenant was named Adam, might be foreign, didn’t have a phone number or a last name, and had done electrical and plumbing upgrades in lieu of rent.
Adam was a “heck of a nice guy” and “a little funny if you knowwhat I mean,” accompanied by a circular movement of Claude’s forefinger near his temple.
The “heck of a nice guy” had secured the property with guard dogs and a fence topped with concertina wire.
No lease agreement had been signed.
    Trust and generosity are traits I want in a future husband, but I thought Claude was carrying things too far, because he said, “A man is only as good as his word. Adam and me shook and agreed that when he did better, I’d raise the rent to something fair.”
    I was beginning to doubt that Claude and I had a passionate future together (especially since he told me that he’d just celebrated his fortieth anniversary), but I told him that I would try to resolve the nonpayment of rent.
    I tracked down the contact info for Joocey Jooce’s CEO and CFO and fired off an email. I was able to draw upon my vast experience with eviction notices to make it sound impressive.
11:45 P.M .
    My job celebration dinner was French dip sandwiches with Dahlia at a new gastropub on DeKalb, and we went to the lounge next door for drinks. I didn’t comment when Dahlia, who is a vodka drinker, ordered a gin gimlet. Instead, I sipped my basil margarita and talked about QUIRC and apartment hunting.
    On her second drink, D said, “You were the big Fringe Theory fan, not me, so I never paid too much attention to their songs. I looked up their discography and found many, many songs with references to gin.”
    “It’s an easy rhyme.”
    “Especially with sin.” Dahlia took out her phone. “What’s Tony Stark’s phone number?”
    “That is a high-security number. I am not authorized to release it.”She glared at me with those scary turquoise contacts, and I caved and told her. “You can’t call him! What are you going to say?”
    She sucked in her cheeks and after a moment told me, “Eetz ringing. Here is hiz message,” and then she pitched her voice higher and said, “Toneeee, zees eez Claudette. You must dream of how we