Free 14 Fearless Fourteen by Janet Evanovich Page A

said. “Don't you do an eye roll about me. I
gotta consider my options. I gotta keep an open mind. Tank could be
real disappointed if he don't see me in a long white dress. And
what about his mama? She could be expecting a wrist corsage. I
gotta consider flowers. I don't want to get started on the wrong
foot with his mama.”
    It was hard to imagine Tank having a mama. Much less one who
would wear a wrist corsage.
    “You said you didn't want a big wedding,” I said to
Lula.
    “Yeah, but looking at the cake got the ball
rolling.”
    “Have you talked to Tank about any of this?”
    “No. I didn't see him last night. He called up and said he had
one of them stomach viruses.”
    “Sometimes men don't like elaborate weddings,” I said to Lula.
Especially when they don't want to get married.
    “That better not be Tank,” Lula said, “on account of I'm
starting to get into this wedding shit. And anyways, after all the
things I do for him, the least he could do is marry me in a church
and all.”
    “You do lots of things for Tank?”
    “Well, I might in the future,” Lula said.
    My mother's ring tone went off on my cell phone.
    “There's a strange man here, and he's looking for you,” my
mother said. “I told him you weren't here, but he won't go
away.”
    “Does he have white hair and big black glasses?”
    “Yes.”
    “I'll be right there.”
    “Me, too,” Lula said. “Where we going? Who has white hair and
glasses?”

CHAPTER SEVEN
    There were three cars lined up at the curb in front of my
parents' house. The white Taurus was one of them.
    “I never seen a real stalker before,” Lula said. “I'm looking
forward to this.”
    I parked in the driveway and slid from behind the wheel. “Let me
do the talking. I don't want to make a big deal over this. And I
especially don't want to freak my mother out.”
    “Sure,” Lula said. “I understand that. My lips are
sealed.”
    “And don't shoot him or gas him or fry his hair with your stun
gun.”
    “You got a lot of rules,” Lula said.
    “He's harmless.”
    “That's what those stalkers want you to believe, and then
wham-they get naked pictures of you and put them on the
Internet.”
    “You have personal experience?”
    “No, but I heard. Well, okay, maybe a little experience. But not
with a stalker.”
    My mother was at the door waiting for me. “How do you attract
these strange men?” my mother asked. “They're never
normal.”
    “He's a stalker,” Lula said. “He might even be
dangerous.”
    I turned and looked at Lula. “What about the sealed
lips?”
    “I forgot. I got carried away.”
    “He's confused,” I said to my mother. “I just need to talk to
him. Where is he?”
    “He's in the kitchen. I have a full house today. Your
grandmother is in the dining room with Betty Greenblat and Ruth
Szuch. They're all insane. They each have a computer, and they're
playing that game. They don't even take bathroom breaks. I think
they're all wearing Depends. They said they're ganging up on the
griefer. They don't like being disturbed, so you have to sneak past
them.”
    My mother, Lula, and I tiptoed past Grandma, Betty, and Ruth.
They were all dressed like Zook, and they were all hunched over
their computers.
    “We got a bad snert here, girls,” Betty said. “Let's kick
ass.”
    “This looks like the Queen of the Damned costume party at the
Shady Rest Nursing Home,” Lula whispered to me. “Is this what the
golden years looks like?”
    “I heard that,” Ruth said. “The golden years are for pussies. We
went straight to brass.”
    The stalker was in the kitchen stirring a pot of chili. He did a
big smile when he saw me. “Surprise,” he said.
    “So you're the stalker,” Lula said, looking him over. “I thought
you'd be nastier. You're kind of a disappointment.”
    “Yeah,” he said, “I'm not any good at this. I can't get anyone
to pay attention to me.”
    “You gotta look assertive if you want people to hear you,” Lula
said.