Free Junie B. Jones Is (Almost) a Flower Girl by Barbara Park Page A

’Cause she missed the point, apparently.
    “No, Mother. You are not supposed to
eat
my snack cookie,” I said. “You are supposed to feel sorry for me. Plus also you have to tell me how to get Ricardo back.”
    Mother bended down and gave me a hug.
    “I’m sorry, honey. I know that you’re upset about Ricardo. But really and truly, Junie B., you are
way
too young to have a boyfriend.”
    She stood back up and smiled. “You’re just a little girl,” she said.
    I stamped my foot.
    “No, I am
not
little!” I said back. “And anyway, all the girls at school have boyfriends, Mother! My bestest friend Lucille has a boyfriend named Clifton. Andmy other bestest friend Grace has a boyfriend named Roger. And Charlotte has a boyfriend named Ham. And Rose has a boyfriend named Vincent. And Lynnie has a boyfriend named Crybaby William. And now I am all alone with nobody.”
    Mother did a sigh.
    “I’m sorry, honey. But
all
of those girls are too young to have boyfriends,” she said. “Please, Junie B. Do not start this boy stuff so soon. Little girls are supposed to be footloose and fancy-free.”
    I did a frown.
    “What’s loose feet got to do with this problem?” I asked.
    Mother laughed. “It’s just an expression, Junie B.,” she said.
“Footloose and fancy-free
means that you can run and play with anyone you want.”
    She ruffled my hair.
    “You don’t have to worry about picking out a boyfriend till you’re much, much older,” she said.
    I did a huffy breath at her.
    “But I’m already much, much older!” I said. “And besides, I don’t want loose feet! I want the same kind of feet everybody else has. I’m not a baby, you know.”
    I quick runned over to Ollie. And I held up his teensy hand.
    “See this, Mother? This is a baby hand. See how teensy it is?”
    I held my hand right next to it.
    “Now look at
my
hand. See how big it is next to Ollie’s? Huh, Mother? Do you?”
    After that, I picked up one of Ollie’s baby feet.
    “And see this teensy foot? My feet are abajillion times bigger than these little baby things.”

    I stood up straight and tall.
    “I am big, I tell you! I am big like a giant lady, practically!”
    Mother did a chuckle.
    “Sorry, toots. But I’m afraid you’re still too young for a boyfriend,” she said.
    After that, she gave me another hug.
    And she smoothed my hair.
    And she ate the rest of my snack cookie.

3 / Being a Grown-up Lady
    At dinnertime, I told Daddy about what happened on the playground.
    And guess what?
    He said the same dumb thing as Mother!
    “You’re way too young to have a boyfriend, Junie B.,” he said. “It’s nice to have Ricardo as a friend. But little girls should be footloose and fancy-free.”
    I covered my ears when I heard that.
    “Quit saying that about my feet!” I said.“I don’t
want
loose feet, I tell you! I want grown-up feet just like Mother has!”
    Just then, Mother looked at Daddy.
    “I think someone is s-l-e-e-p-y,” she spelled.
    I did a mad breath at her. “Yeah, only guess what? I’m a grown-up lady. And grown-up ladies know how to spell. And so I am not one bit
slippery
. So there.”
    Then Mother did a chuckle. Only I don’t know why.
    After that, she got me down from the table. And she took me in the bathroom. And she filled up the tub for my bath.
    She put lots of bubbles in the water.
    Also, she gave me bath toys. And a washcloth puppet.
    I gave them right back to her.
    “These things are for babies,” I said. “And I am all grown up.”
    “Suit yourself,” said Mother.
    After that, she sat down on the floor. And she watched me sit in the bubbles.
    I sat and sat and sat.
    “See me, Mother? See how I am just sitting here?” I said. “When grown-up ladies take a bath, we just sit in the water. And we don’t splash. And we don’t play with baby toys.”
    I sat and sat some more.
    Then finally, I did a big sigh.
    ’Cause I was bored out of my mind, that’s why.
    I patted the bubbles a little bit.