Free Back to You by Faith Andrews Page B

I felt betrayed and hurt, but I never stopped loving him. “You hate me?” I say, impossible to hold back the tears.
    Crossing his arms across his chest, he starts to pace. “I didn’t say I hate you. Of course I don’t hate you, but—Listen, Mia, I know I fucked up and I know you ran off to fulfill some fantasy with what’s-his-name because of what I did, but don’t think for one second that I wasn’t dying inside.
    “You don’t think it fucking killed me to watch you pretty yourself up for another man ? Or to play babysitter for you while you did God knows what with him? It was torture. It was infuriating. It broke me, Mia.” If any words could sear through a person’s heart, those were it.
    “Part of me didn’t think you cared, Declan. You just let me go. You came back from Hong Kong and barely put up a fight.” That’s what it had felt like. Yes, we argued. Yes, we threw ultimatums back and forth, but never once did he try to stop me from being with Noah. He never asked me to choose him until that night he sang to me.
    “Because I wasn’t going to force you to be with me if it wasn’t what you wanted. You needed time—I thought that was fair. But you took that time and spent it with him. You didn’t try to work on us or figure out what was wrong with us, you—”
    Wait a damn minute! “I didn’t think there was anything wrong with us, at least not until you “almost” fucked that masseuse.” I made a show of air quoting almost. Sure, that’s what he said—and yes, I believed him, but how could I ever really know the truth? “You know what, I guess my sins seem greater than yours and I hate to pull out the you started this card, but Declan, you made me feel like all of a sudden I wasn’t enough for you. You made me doubt everything we had because in that moment when I thought you’d been with someone else, I felt like everything we’d ever worked for was taken away. That broke me .”
    Broken. It seems like the theme. And lately, the reason I’ve had this plaguing need to talk this through is because I don’t want to feel broken anymore, when it’s so obvious that the two of us want to be whole again—together.
    I can only imagine what the two of us must look like. Crying, sweating, shouting, kicking up dirt as we wear out the ground beneath us. Is there any other way this could have gone down? I mean, this isn’t exactly soothing pillow talk material.
    Finally breaking the distance between us, Declan takes a step closer to me, reaching for my hands. I let him hold them, his familiar touch feels like home and reminds me of what we’re fighting for. He stares into my eyes, the depth of his emotions pouring out through his. “I know you need this. I know you need to let it all out. So do it. Say what you want to say, so I can say what I need to say, too.”
    His words surprise me. I thought he had nothing to say on the matter. He told me he was content to put it past us and move on.
    “Are we going to be okay?” Ultimately it’s the one question that scares me the most. I just want the answer to that one.
    “Do you want us to be okay?”
    Pulling my hands from his, I perch them on my hips defensively. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
    “It means are you happy? You sought out another man—and not just some stranger for a one-nighter, Mia. You went to that reunion, you got a wave of nostalgia and you acted on it all because you were vulnerable.”
    “Hold on a minute!” I interrupt. “I’m not saying what I did wasn’t wrong, but I was vulnerable because you’d left again. There was so much distance between us. Physically and emotionally. You have to understand at least that much.”
    “I do understand, but what I don’t understand is why you allowed it to go on so long.” He takes a step back and closes his eyes. “Why did you choose me, Mia? What made you pick me over him?” His questions come out so low, his voice so hoarse and hesitant I can barely hear it.
    All