Free Miss Bangkok: Memoirs of a Thai Prostitute by Bua Boonmee Page B

and making him feel smaller than anyone else had managed to do in his entire life.
    He bid our guest goodnight and went to his bed without saying another word to me. He didn’t try to seduce me again that night or any other night.
    He had visited the club every evening for three years, but that holiday was to mark the end of our friendship.
    It was only when I received my salary that I noticed his patronage had ceased.
    In the years that followed, I often wondered why I hadn’t ever relented to his incessant pleas that I become his mistress. But deep down I knew that the answer to this question was really quite simple; he knew nothing of my child or my marriage, and had I let myself become emotionally attached to Hiroshi, there would have been a greater risk of my secrets being exposed. Such an exposure would have doomed our relationship, and his patronage, to an even more hostile closure.
    I saw Hiroshi once more after that holiday, and I took the opportunity to ask him why he had vanished.
    ‘To be honest Bua, I’ve met another girl, a university student,’ he told me.
    ‘Is she a real student?’ I asked.
    ‘Yes. I’m paying for her courses and she shows me her report cards. I couldn’t wait for you anymore. A man has his needs, you must know that.’
    I have to admit that I felt a little jealous of his new relationship. My own insecurities, rather than any strong emotions for Hiroshi, gnawed away at me. I wondered if his feelings for this girl were more genuine than they had been for me, or if he thought her intellectually superior to me because she was a university student.
    I never saw Hiroshi again, and it was only in later years that I realised the stupidity of my actions. He had supported me for over three years, and when our relationship ended I was told by mamasan that I might have to entertain other clients if it was asked of me. Apparently the bar was losing business to rival establishments whose hostesses offered their customers what mamasan politely called a ‘more flexible service’.
    Jasmine’s was to offer a ‘ten drinks’ option, a code word for the bar fine patrons would have to pay to take a hostess away from the premises. The 700 baht fine went entirely to the bar. How much a hostess would earn for service outside the bar was decided by her, and belonged to her. It ranged from 3,000 baht for a ‘short time’ to 6,000 baht for an overnight stay. We hostesses were told that we would be given red number tags instead of blue ones, because red meant you were available for sale. However, mamasan assured us that none of us would be forced to do anything against our will. Her assistants would approach the clients and offer the new service by gesturing to a girl and asking them if they wanted to go to a hotel with her.
    This new policy came as no surprise to me because I knew long before that some of my co-workers had secretly sold their bodies to the clients. It was only a matter of time before Jasmine’s would have to embrace prostitution. This new status was mutually beneficial because the bar earned more money in bar fines, and the girls who already sold themselves didn’t need to hide anymore.
    I wasn’t interested in prostitution because I was too shy and sexually inexperienced.
    Surprisingly, mamasan seemed to accept my position and agreed that I would offer only the services of a drinking companion. Although I was not yet having to prostitute myself, I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into the murky world where women were no more than objects to be bought.
    It was much easier to allow myself to sink further, than to fight my way out.

Chapter 6
     
I often ask myself why I permitted Hiroshi to exit my life so abruptly. I had managed to convince myself that he was an unnecessary distraction, but it was only when he was gone that I realised how much I missed him. He had been a true friend and guardian to me for a long time. The change in my fortunes was noticeable at once, and I