Free Six Months to Get a Life by Ben Adams Page A

unconnected, she has never been married. I found it hard to take advice on saving my marriage from a person who has no actual experience of the concept.
    I am surprised she couldn’t place me straight away today. The last time we met was pretty memorable.
    In our first session we had covered things like how much time my then wife and I spent talking to each other (none), our relationships with our parents (fine), our relationships with each other’s parents (hers with mine fine, mine with hers anything but fine), our hobbies (fine until she suggested my wife went with me) and our approach to parenthood (not bad). In the second – and as it turned out, last – session, we talked about our sex life.
    ‘When was the last time you made love?’
    ‘Last week,’ I replied.
    ‘I can’t remember,’ my wife said.
    ‘Do you engage in foreplay before sex?’
    ‘Yes,’ from me.
    ‘No,’ from my ex. Are we talking about the same sex?
    ‘Do you reach climax in your love-making?’
    A ‘Yes’ from me.
    A ‘No’ from my ex.
    ‘Is your sex loving and sensual or a routine you go through because you think you should?’ our relationship ‘expert’ asked.
    My wife went for ‘routine’. I went for the therapist. ‘What’s the point of dissecting our sex life like this? Isn’t it bloody obvious we hardly ever shag? We wouldn’t have come to see you if we did it every night, would we? Do you get off on watching other people talk about their sex lives? I bet you’ve never even had sex, have you? Have you everbeen touched? Have you ever had an orgasm? Go on, tell us. We’ve got a right to know who we’re working with here.’
    At which point I was asked to leave. To my ex’s credit, she laughed and left with me. We actually had pretty good sex that night too, with foreplay and orgasms and everything.

Thursday 8 th May
    My ex phoned me today to tell me that her dad has got worse, she is going off to Exeter for a couple of days to be with him and would I have the kids? The best thing about my divorce was that my father-in-law became my ex-father-in-law. I suppose I wouldn’t wish illness on anyone, but if it gets me more time with the children then so be it. And the kids’ school is closed for teacher training too, so good news nearly all round.
    I have booked tomorrow off work and the three of us are going to go camping.
    My ex was never one for sleeping under canvas. She needed her home comforts and particularly couldn’t stand having to walk to the toilet block. We did try camping once. We went to a campsite by the sea in Devon. After a four hour drive in steaming hot sunshine, the heavens opened the minute we arrived at the camp site. We got soaked and had a row over how to put the tent up.
    The kids were young on that trip. The first and only morning we were there, the boys woke up at half past three and wouldn’t go back to sleep. They were told in no uncertain terms to shut up. Five minutes later they were chatting again. My then wife told them that if they didn’t shut up until at least six o’clock we would go straight home.They were too excited about the adventures that lay ahead. Within ten minutes they were talking again so their mum made me get up, pack our things back up and drive home. Needless to say, I didn’t bother suggesting we go camping again as a family.
    The boys have been camping several times since that experience. They go regularly with scouts and cadets. In fact it was Jack who suggested the camp site that I have just booked, in Swanage, Dorset.
    Jack is well up for our trip. He loves the outdoors and can’t wait for the challenge of building a fire and cooking sausages over it. Sean took a bit more convincing though.
    ‘Can I take my PS4 with me?’ he asked as we were packing the car.
    ‘There won’t be anywhere to plug it in when we get there,’ I pointed out.
    ‘I wish I had gone to Exeter with mum,’ he said, somewhat sulkily.
    I am going to make it my mission over the next