Free Six Months to Get a Life by Ben Adams

garden wall down when reversing the car out of the drive. I could have made more effort to show an interest in her and her passions. A few different responses here and there might have prolonged our relationship a bit, but I really don’t think it would have changed anything in the long run.
    After considering my response to Sean’s question for awhile I chose to duck it by asking him whether that is what he would do.
    ‘Yes. I would go back to all those times where she told me to tidy my bedroom and I didn’t do it and I would tidy it. And do you remember when I dropped my whole glass of milk on the sofa and didn’t tell anyone?’
    ‘I remember.’ I grimaced. We had gone on holiday that day and when we got back two weeks later the house absolutely stank of stale milk.
    ‘Well, I would go back in time and put that right,’ Sean told me. ‘Do you think we would all still live in the same house if I did that?’
    This was the first time that one of my boys had asked me, albeit indirectly, whether they shared any of the blame for our divorce. My kids never think they are to blame for anything. Ever. So I was surprised when Sean brought the subject up today.
    I did my best to reassure him.
    ‘Sean, you know the tidy bedroom thing wasn’t anything to do with why your mum and me split up. And nor was you spilling milk on the sofa. Mum blamed me for that anyway, not you. The reason we split up was because we had nothing in common in our lives other than you and Jack. When we weren’t talking about you, we had nothing good to say to each other. That’s why we split up.’
    ‘Then why didn’t you just talk about us all the time?’ Sean asked.
    Luckily, mine and Sean’s conversation was interrupted by a phone call. Totally out of the blue, Bryan Green (he of the dinner party) phoned and asked if the boys and I fancied coming on holiday with them. The Greens were supposed to be going with Katie’s sister’s family, the Browns (honestly) but the Browns have had to pull out because Katie’s sister has just realised she is five months pregnant (honestlyagain). They had booked a villa in Turkey large enough to accommodate eight people and are now keen not to have to foot the whole bill themselves.
    The holiday isn’t too expensive so I jumped at the chance of the Hopes coming off the substitutes’ bench and replacing the Browns. I am quite chuffed with this result as both families get along well. Jack and Sean will particularly enjoy having Josh and Theo, Katie and Bryan’s kids, to hang out with.

Sunday 4 th May
    In my pursuit of my ongoing quest to get a life I browsed through the large selection of self-help books on the shelves of my local bookshop after dropping Sean off at his mum’s. They all sounded a load of old bollocks to me. I reckon they should do an experiment. The next time two identical twins are born, make one read one self-help book a month for the whole of his life and don’t let the other read any. Then, on their 60th birthday, ask them who has had the best life. I bet it would be the one who didn’t spend half his life reading that self-righteous claptrap.
    When I was in the bookshop I saw our marriage guidance counsellor browsing in the ‘travel’ section.
    ‘Thinking of going somewhere?’ I asked her.
    ‘I am just looking really,’ she replied, struggling to find me in her memory bank.
    I introduced myself and a light went on in her eyes as she remembered me. She tried to scarper.
    ‘Shouldn’t you be in the ‘health and fitness’ section?’ I hollered at her back as she hurried out of the shop. She is the largest woman I have ever met. I got some dirty looks from my fellow shoppers but that bit of cruelty at my counsellor’s expense made me feel good.
    As well as her being rather large, there are a couple ofother things you should know about our marriage guidance counsellor. She has got a moustache that rivals Daley Thompson’s and Merv Hughes’s and, probably not