Free Devilcountry by Craig Spivek Page B

  “JAAAAAAAAAAAACCK” Ozzy screamed as he marched away in
search of his son.  He left me there briefly.  I was alone in the
Devil’s kitchen.  Were there souls on the prowl, waiting to attack me?
 Would those voices return?
    I paused a moment.  Boy, the Devil sure has
great appliances!  There was a massive Sub Zero Fridge in the corner.
 A gorgeous custom, all marble kitchen island with an all chrome Franke Apron Front dump-sink in it and a restaurant style
overhang fixture.  We had the working class version of that back at the
shop.  The floor was a gorgeous inlaid spanish tile.  The ceilings had recessed lighting that was warm and soothing.
 There was a tiny mounted HD TV in the far corner which had CNN on.  It was at perfect volume.   This wasn’t
Hell , this was Satanic Heaven !
    Jack, the Prince of Darkness’ son could be heard
from out of sight, “What you want?”
    “Did you order a bloody pizza?”
    “Is it here?”
    “It’s eleven o’clock at night!”
    “I’m hungry.”
    Both of them reappeared.  Startling me.
 Jack looked at me. “How much?”
    “It’s $45.26” for everything.” I said.
   Jack looked at me.  Looked at his dad.  Looked back
at me, then back at his dad.  Ozzy grumbled and dug into his pocket.
 He handed me sixty.  “Keep it.”  A great tip.  
    “Yes sir!  Where do you want it?”
    “Here is fine. ” said
Jack. “Dad you want some?”
    “Your mum’ll kill you.”
    “Come on, Dad, it’s good.”  You could see
Ozzy’s eyes turning.  He dragged a hand across his chin.  
    “Oh, let’s have a look, then, ”
 said Ozzy.  I pulled the huge box out of the bag. I grabbed
the bottom flap and raised it open.  It’s a stunning sight. A massive cake-like object.  Shimmering, cheesy, melted
and appearing to be delicious.
    “CHRIST!!” Ozzy blurted out.   Unable to contain his enthusiasm.  “That’s a big
fucking pizza!”
    “Yes, sir it is.”  I offered.
    “Thanks, man,” said Jack.  
    “No problem.  Enjoy.”  I began to head
back to the door.  Maybe Hell ain’t so bad.
    “Your mum is going to kill us.”
    “She won’t know, Dad.  Relax.”  I
started down the hall.  I could see the front door.  I heard a
different voice from the top of the stairs.
    “Ozzy, what’s going on?”
    “Oh shit, uh...Nothing, Sharon, go back to bed.”
    “Why do I smell pizza?  ARE YOU EATING!
 YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EATING ...!!!!
    “Jack ordered it.”
    “GODDDAMNIT, OZZY!!!!”  I could hear a
bedroom door slam open and her footsteps coming down the stairs.  I made a
break for it.  I didn’t look back.  DON’T EVER LOOK BACK!  I get
the door open and I’m making my way back to the main gate.  Ten more steps
and I’m home free.  I hear the shouts.  It
is an all out war going on inside the Osbourne estate.  I think I hear
Kelly screaming as well.  It’s hard to make out the exact text.   Lots of cussing. Lot’s of screaming.   A reference to a weight counselor or a trainer.  I get to the gate.  I turn the knob but it doesn’t move.  I
jump to the other knob.  Nothing.  I look over.  The gate
surrounds the entire property.  It is ten feet tall.  I am locked in.
 
    I am stuck in Hell.  I do something I swore
I would never do.  I turn around.  I have to get that gate unlocked.
 I walk cautiously back to where I had come from.  The screams and
shouts grow louder with every step.  I thought I heard a chair or a lamp
being thrown.  A muffled, “Fuck you, Jack!”  Another scream.  A
bead of sweat pours off of me as I raise my fist against the huge crucifix
covered door.
    “Fuck You, Kelly, it’s my pizza!”  I hear.
I pause.  It’s not worth it.  I’ll figure something else out.
  I retreat.  I head back to the gate.  I hear tiny dogs
barking.   Tiny hounds of Hell beckoning my demise.  I will break free!  I search through the rungs for any cars passing
by.  The streets are empty.