Free Color Me a Crime by Tonya Kappes

furry thing at me. “Pasties, underwear, and hat.”
    Hat? Shew. . .at least I’m going to be a bit more covered up. Or so I thought.
    The only things that are covered are my ears…with the furry cat ears. The three triangle pasties barely cover my private area. I slip my mace in one of the furry ears.
    “Okay. Come with me.” She’s back to collect me and shoves me into a pole that is set up to look like a cat scratching pole. “Stick with the script.”
    Script?
    Another woman grabs me and pushes me into a tall director’s chair.
    “Here, hold your hair out of your eyes.” She pulls my bangs back and plants my hand on top of my head. “We are going to have to work magic on this face.”
    I am sure the woman is really four foot tall, but with her five-inch stiletto hills and extra teased curly hair, she has been transformed into an Amazon. I lean forward to get a better look at her sparkly cleavage that spills out of her red V-neck. Her gold aura surrounding her lets me know that she is annoyed with me.
    “You getting a good look at my tits?” She took a sponge of foundation and swipes my face several times before starting on my eyes. She pushes my chin up to face her. “You can touch them. Those babies are the real deal. Not hard, like most of these girls. And you could use a little lift.”
    “I’m fine.” I try not to stare at her. I’m not sure if she means to wear all that makeup that is making her look like a clown.
    “Honey, you better not be a shy one. You won’t be hired.” She stops and looks me square in the face. “Or are you one of those?”
    “I don’t know what you mean?”
    “Sure you don’t.” She went back to swiping the colored pencil around my eyes and on my lids before applying three coats of mascara to my lashes. I’m feeling a little like Betty Boop. “The innocent kind that turns it on, all on, in front of the camera.”
    She pulls away and winks.
    “She’s ready!” She yells out into the abyss of naked beings.
    The assistant that had disappeared is suddenly back and pushing me toward the cameras, a bear skin rug, and a jungle-gym type thing.
    “Go on over and climb on the cat scratching pole.” She points to the thing that looks like playground equipment.
    Slowly I make my way to the contraption. I peer over my shoulder and all eyes are on me.
    “Quiet on the set!” The pudgy man shouts over all the naked people. As if he flips a stop switch, everyone’s eyes are on me. No one is moving. No one but the naked man, crawling toward me.
    “Take one of Good Kitty! Action!” The man screams.
    “Here, Kitty,” the naked man slinks along the bearskin rug. His manhood has to tickle from raking up against the fur. “Good, Kitty.”
    The closer he gets, the more I realize he is coming at me. His brows rise, his eyes are….wanting!
    He slips a horsewhip out from underneath the bearskin rug as he continues to slink along.
    “Whoa!” I hold my hands out. “What are you going to do with that?”
    He glances over at the producers. The producer nods for naked guy to keep going.
    “Are you being a naughty kitty?” He eases up the scratching pole and I ease the mace out of my hat and aim straight for that naked son of a bitch.
    “Yeowl!” He screams and rubs his eyes after I give him one good long spray.
    “Cut! What are you doing?” The producer rushes over and takes one look at naked guy rolling on the floor. His manhood flops just like him. “Help! We need a medic!”
    “Ouch!” I scream as the producer grabs me by the arm.
    “Listen, hon,” he gnashes his teeth, his breath reeking of cheap whiskey. “Linda said that she taught you everything she knows. I expect more than this. Just because Linda is dead doesn’t mean you get her part.”
    “But…” I try to protest that he has this all wrong. I only want to apply to clean toilets or even file paperwork.
    “Fine.” He takes off the beret. He is as bald as a cucumber.
    “Didn’t expect that,” I