Free The Last Family by John Ramsey Miller

to bursting with guilt. A lot of her work centered on Paul because he had left her filledwith pain and confusion, and she was trying to resolve the conflicts in her heart on canvas. Even when she had other subjects in mind, when she began a painting he would often invade the work by appearing in part as he did in this large canvas. The set of Paul’s jaw, the line of his ears, the bright blue of his single eye, the angle of the mouth, the attitude of the head, a shape, a frown or a ghost of a smile, might take form. Consciously she thought she had her feelings for him licked; subconsciously, every time she thought about him, it was as though someone stumbling around inside her head had kicked over a bucket of electric eels.
    Some of the people who had purchased her early paintings had sold them to get rid of them, possibly because the owners had become irritated with them or had decided to change the style of their art as part of a redecoration. To their delight there had been a ready market for the pieces, and profits were made. The kind of people who enjoyed being bothered, or who wanted their walls to have personality and their collections to appreciate, snapped up Laura Masterson paintings as fast as they became available. She had been forced to hire an agent to compile a waiting list and negotiate prices. The bidding for the privilege of being seduced and disturbed had driven her prices from two thousand dollars for the first canvas, completed five years ago, to forty thousand in four short years. Now Laura showed at prestigious galleries in New York, Chicago, San Francisco, and in a few months’ time would launch a show in Berlin. Her work was perfect for the German market, Lily Turner, her agent, had said. “The sausage eaters”—Lily called the Germans that—“will devour them happily at one hundred thou a pop.”
    Laura wandered back to the table, dropped a brush into the baby-food jar filled with thinner, and watched as it influenced the turpentine to a cloudy rose. She let the brush become saturated and then cleaned it carefully, squeezing the bristles in folds of soft cloth until the damp spots were clear of hue. After she had cleaned all of the brushes and her hands, she dropped the bits of turpentine-saturatedcotton cloth into the lidded rubbish can. She looked at her watch. It was three A.M.
    She glanced at the chair across the studio where Reid Dietrich, her boyfriend, often sat and either read or simply studied her as she worked. He was a perceptive critic, and having him there was always a comfort. Tonight he had gone off to her bed upstairs to await her retirement. Sometimes he did that; tonight he had not spoken but had simply disappeared from the studio. She had been so wrapped up in her painting that she hadn’t taken direct notice of his disappearance—she couldn’t recall the specific act of his leaving, but she knew that he had kissed her cheek; he always did that when he left her alone. Often when she worked she lost hours and sometimes an entire day. During those times she might agree to some request from her children and not recall having spoken to them at all.
    Laura Masterson often worked well into the night, passing through the hour of the wolf. Sometimes the golden rays of morning sun would break through the tall windows as she worked—covered to the elbows in paint flecks. The rays would come through the beveled glass and echo the rainbow on the walls and burn long orange waves across the floorboards. But no matter what, she was the one who awakened her children in the mornings, fed them, watched over them, hugged and kissed them and put them to bed. For Laura the desire to be a mother to her children was far stronger and more important than the desire to paint. I can paint after they are in their own lives and I am here alone . She had not had to make a choice between her career or her family, as some did.
    Laura’s house had been constructed in a time when craftsmen bundled their