Free Warmth in Ice (A Find You in the Dark novella) by A. Meredith Walters, 12 NA's of Christmas

fucking livid,” I admitted, feeling ashamed.
    Maggie didn’t say anything for a moment. “Yeah, well, that has more to do with the things you’re dealing with than with me or our relationship. You know you’re the only guy in my life. So sure, you’d be angry, but I would hope you’d trust me to be faithful to you,” she said quietly.
    Trust. Such a hard thing to give when you had been burned so much in your life. But if being with Maggie and living with Ruby had taught me anything it was that there were people in your life that you could trust.
    “I don’t deserve you,” I said quietly.
    “Clay, when will you realize that you deserve the world?”

I shoved a few more shirts into my suitcase. I tried to make room but it was already extremely over packed. My plane left for Florida tomorrow morning, Christmas Eve.
    I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous as hell. Clay still had no idea I was coming. I had received a package in the mail yesterday from him. My Christmas present I assumed. I took it out of the box and put the still wrapped gift in my suitcase along with the things I had gotten for both he and Ruby.
    I had been home for two weeks. My parents hadn’t been thrilled when I said I’d be spending Christmas in Florida with Clay. My dad had shot down the idea the second I mentioned it over Thanksgiving break.
    “Clay lives in a group home! There is absolutely no way you are staying with him there!” my dad had said vehemently. He turned an alarming shade of purple when I said we’d be staying in a hotel instead because overnight visitors in the group home were prohibited.
    My mom had stepped in and tried to put on the parental guilt trip. “But it’s your first Christmas in college. We’ve missed you so much, we just want to spend the holidays with our little girl,” she had reasoned.
    I had almost caved. My parents knew exactly what buttons to push to make me feel like an ungrateful child. But I stuck to my guns. “I’ve been working to save up for the ticket. I haven’t seen Clay since June. I plan to go whether you are okay with it or not. But I’d prefer for you to be okay with it.” I had been so proud of how strong I sounded. Maggie Young was pulling up her big girl panties!
    My parents shut the subject down and refused to discuss it any more over break. I had spent most of my time with Rachel and Daniel anyway, so there hadn’t been much time to say more about it. But my mind was made up; I just hoped I could go with their blessing.
    It wasn’t until I had gone back to school that Mom had called and said that I was an adult and I could do what I wanted. She hadn’t sounded particularly happy about it, but I was relieved that they had conceded.
    So after that, I had booked my flight to Florida. I would be arriving at Orlando International Airport at ten-thirty in the morning on Christmas Eve. I planned to stay for three nights (because that was all I could afford) and fly back to Virginia on the 27 th .
    I booked a room at a Holiday Inn not far from where Clay was living. I had gone out and gotten myself a small, fake Christmas tree already decorated with lights. I was going to make this the most perfect Christmas possible.
    Hiding my visit was proving extremely difficult. Clay didn’t seem very enthused about the upcoming holiday. He talked about Ruby coming up to visit and about some of the activities the group home was doing for the residents. But he seemed a little sad.
    I only hoped that once I was there I could make up for the years of shitty holidays he had experienced.
    But the truth was I didn’t know what to expect. As hard as we tried, the tension between Clay and me hadn’t gotten any better. I blamed the distance but a huge part of me worried that it was more than that.
    That maybe while he was moving forward, he was going to walk so far away from me that I’d never be able to catch up.
    I tried to hold onto the belief that our love could overcome anything. We had