Free The Damnation Game by Clive Barker

clothes on the floor, and went into the bathroom.
    It was spacious, mirrored, and seductively lit. Freshly laundered towels hung on a heated rack. There was a shower as well as a bath and a bidet: an embarrassment of waterworks. Whatever else happened to him here, he’d be clean. He switched on the mirror light and set the shaving implements down on the glass shelf above the sink. He needn’t have bothered with his search. Toy, or perhaps Luther, had laid a complete shaving kit out for him; razor, pre-shave, foam, cologne. All unopened, pristine: waiting for him. He looked at himself in the mirror—that intimate self-scrutiny which was expected of women but which men seldom practiced except in locked bathrooms. The anxieties of the day showed on his face: his skin was anemic, and the bags under his eyes full. Like a man searching for some treasure, he plundered his face for clues. Was his past written here, he wondered, in all its grubby detail; etched, perhaps, too deeply to be erased?
    He needed some sun, no doubt of that, and decent exercise out in the open air. From tomorrow, he thought, a new regime. He’d run every day till he was so fit he was unrecognizable. Get himself to a proper dentist too. His gums bled worryingly often, and in one or two places they were receding from the tooth. He was proud of his teeth: they were even and strong, like his mother’s. He tried his smile on the mirror, but it had lost some of its former sparkle. He’d have to exercise that too. He was in the big wide world again; and maybe in time there’d be women to woo with that smile.
    His surveillance shifted from face to body. A wedge of fat was sitting on the muscle of his abdomen: he was easily a stone overweight. He’d have to work at that. Watch his diet, and keep the exercise up until he was back to the twelve stone three he’d been when he first went to Wandsworth. The extra weight apart, he felt quite good about himself. Maybe the warm light flattered him, but prison didn’t seem to have changed him radically. He still had all his hair; he wasn’t scarred-except for the tattoos and a small crescent to the left of his mouth; he wasn’t doped up to the eyeballs. Maybe he was a survivor after all.
    His hand had crept to his groin as he perused himself, and he’d idly teased himself semi erect. He hadn’t been thinking of Charmaine. If there was any lust in his arousal it was narcissistic. Many of the cons he’d lived with had found it easy to slake their sexual thirst with their cellmates, but Marty had never been comfortable with the idea. Not simply out of distaste for the acts—though he felt that acutely—but because that unnaturalness was forced upon him. It was just another way that prison humiliated a man. Instead, he’d locked his sexuality away, and used his cock for pissing and little else. Now, toying with it like a vain adolescent, he wondered if he could still use the damn thing.
    He ran the shower lukewarm and stepped in, slicking himself down from head to foot with lemon-scented soap. In a day of pleasures this was perhaps the best. The water was stimulating, like standing in a spring rain. His body began to wake. Yes, that was it, he thought: I’ve been dead, and I’m coming back to life. He’d been buried in the asshole of the world, a hole so deep he thought he’d never scramble out of it, but he had, damn it. He was out. He rinsed, and then indulged himself with a repeat of the ritual, this time running the water considerably hotter and harder. The bathroom filled with steam and the slap of the water on the shower tiles.
    When he stepped out and turned the flow off, his head buzzed with heat, whisky and fatigue. He moved to the mirror and cleared an oval in the condensation with the ball of his fist. The water had brought new color to his cheeks. His hair was plastered to his head like a brown-blond skullcap.
    He’d let it grow, he thought, as long as Whitehead didn’t object; get it styled