Free The Cirque by Ryann Kerekes Page B

if I was going to be sick again. I shoved my tray back and got up from the table.
    I was headed back to my trailer when I spotted Gabriel in his training room. The door was open and loud, angry music blared from inside. He was hitting a punching bag that hung from the ceiling. I stood in the doorway and watched him. His arms had more power than I would have guessed. I remembered vaguely the way they’d felt wrapped around me when he carried me home. His hands were taped up and red smudges of blood were seeping across his knuckles. When I stepped in the room, he saw me and stopped.
    “Hey,” he said over the music.
    “Hey,” I said softly.
    He was quiet, but turned down the music. His white t-shirt clung to him, revealing the outline of a tattoo on his chest. I couldn’t make out what it was.
    “So, thanks for taking care of me the other night.”
    He nodded, his jaw tense.
    “I still have your t-shirt.” I knew he’d taken it off to cover me up. It smelled like his clean, soapy scent and I’d kept it under my pillow the night before.
    “So….” I didn’t know how to ask him this – and it was awful that I didn’t know – but I wondered if he knew more than I did about what happened between me and Dmitri. I cringed at the thought of what he’d seen, at what might have happened.
    “What?” he asked sternly. “Why’d you come here? Why aren’t you with him ?” He nodded toward the door.
    It stung, but I continued, “How’d you know to come get me?”
    He looked down at the floor and re-tightened the tape on his hand. “I caught wind of Dmitri’s plan and I went to check on you.”
    I nodded, not knowing why I accepted this without question. “When you came in, what was happening?”
    “You mean you don’t even remember?” He looked at me. I shook my head, afraid to meet his eyes. “You were pretty out of it, so I guess I’m not surprised.”
    I should never have put myself in that position, and we both knew it, so there was no point trying to explain anything – especially since I sensed it would take very little for Gabriel to decide to take one of his knives and pay a visit to Dmitri and get himself in trouble over my stupidity. “Will you just tell me?”
    “You really don’t know?”
    I stayed quiet.
    He let out a deep sigh. “Let’s see. You were undressed, and laying across his bed. He was undoing his buckle when I walked in, so I think I interrupted a critical moment. He wasn’t too happy about that either, by the way.”
    I almost collapsed with relief, but the image of what Gabriel must have seen was seared into my mind. My eyes dropped to the ground in front of me. “Thank you for protecting me,” I whispered.
    “It’s my job, remember?”
    I nodded and turned to leave, not sure if I could hold in the tears I felt stinging my eyes. I heard Gabriel hit the punching bag even before I was out of the room.
    I sucked in deep breaths of air outside and tried to clear my head. I would not cry. Sasha had been right all along, but I had been too caught up in experiencing my newfound freedom to see everything clearly.
    I passed through the rows of trailers on the walk back to mine and there, waving from the antenna of one trailer, was a pair of panties. Was there a panty raid and someone forgot to tell me? I chuckled to myself. Wait a second. Oh my Lord…Those were my pink cotton undies! Shit. I’d blocked out the thought that I’d been carried out of Dmitri’s in the buff except for Gabriel’s t-shirt. Dmitri still had my panties and was flying them like a banner, announcing to the world that he’d had his way with me. What an asshole. I couldn’t believe I ever liked him.
    I stopped and stared up at the antenna on the roof of the RV where my bikini bottoms saluted the trailer park. They were up way too high to reach, and there was no way I was going to ask Dmitri to take them down. I would rather pretend it didn’t bother me. No one would know they were mine, would they?
    I