Free The Cirque by Ryann Kerekes Page A

and you look it. I really hope for your sake you’ve learned your lesson.”
    Just then I shot out of bed, ran to the trash can and heaved over it. Nothing came out, making it all the more painful each time my stomach convulsed. Despite Sasha’s obvious disappointment in me, I felt her warm arm around me as she helped me stand when I was done. Then she helped me put on a pair of pants. By the door, I slipped into my ballet flats and let her help me walk to the bus.
    I felt better once we boarded the bus, where the cool air conditioning could wash over my clammy skin. I slid down in a plush seat and was grateful when Sasha handed me her dark sunglasses. I spent most of the ride to Chicago napping, but about an hour from the city, Sasha shook my shoulder. Gabriel was sitting with Tanner across from us but refused to look at me.
    “Are you alright, Ari?” Sasha asked, her voice dissolving into concern. “How much did you drink last night?”
    I thought back to last night. It made my head spin just to think about. I remembered the pink drink and my mouth watered like I might be sick again. “I don’t remember. A few, I think. Dmitri and his friends kept my cup topped off the whole night,” I said, sitting up in my chair.
    Sasha looked more worried than she had before. “Let’s get you some water.” She brought me a bottle of water and I downed it greedily and flopped my head back against the seat. Just drinking drained me of energy, despite my eight-hour nap.
    “Tanner, can you come here?” Sasha said, without taking her eyes from mine. Gabriel looked up too but then turned his head and continued staring blankly out the window, though it was really too dark to see anything outside now. They talked in hushed tones. I knew it was about me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to focus. Tanner brought me some crackers and I ate one, but even thinking about chewing another was exhausting.
    While we waited for our trailer to get set up, Sasha made me eat a little more and then I went to bed, amazed that I could still be tired. I lay in bed and vowed I’d never drink again. I didn’t want to think about it now, but I knew that tomorrow when I came to, the one thing that would consume my thoughts was that I had let Gabriel down.

Chapter 9
     
     
    The thing that consumed my thoughts was that Gabriel had seen me naked. He had carried me through the rows of trailers, wearing only his t-shirt – on display for everyone to see. I knew it had been dark so the chances of anyone actually seeing me had been slim. And somehow I knew he would have shielded me from view with his body if there were a need. I cradled my head in my hands. How could I have been so stupid to trust Dmitri?
    After a hot shower, I dressed and went to breakfast. Dmitri didn’t even look my way as I walked through the cafeteria with my tray. I kept my head down and went quickly past his table. I sat down next to Tanner.
    “There she is!” he said happily.
    “Hi.”
    “So, you’re back from the dead?”
    “Yeah, I guess so. That was one hell of a hangover,” I said, dipping the spoon tentatively into my yogurt.
    “Ari, we’re worried about you,” Sasha said, setting down her coffee. Her eyes narrowed and darted from Dmitri’s table then back to me.
    “What do you mean?” I took a big bite of yogurt, suddenly realizing I was hungry.
    “You can’t put yourself in a position like that – with people like that.”
    I looked from her to Tanner. Their faces held the same look of worry.
    “I know.” I hung my head. “I’m sorry. I won’t ever put myself in that position again. I was never interested in Dmitri – I was just so set on making my own way, figuring things out for myself and trying something different, that I let it sweep me up. But I’m done with that.”
    Across the room, I heard Dmitri telling a story, then a burst of laughter from his friends. I swallowed down the yogurt, losing my appetite. My stomach turned and I wasn’t sure