Free Fangs for Freaks by Serena Robar

wandered off to get her own stuff and I wanted to pick up a pair of boots I noticed when we arrived. Then I started to hear a commotion across in cosmetics.”
    I nodded at her, caught up in the story.
    “I hurried over to the MAC counter, where Durham and Angie are screaming at each other—I thought they were about to duke it out, right there in front of the lipstick case. It seems Durham didn’t think cosmetics should be included in the shopping spree and Angie, who apparently is very fond of makeup, told her it should be included as part of a wardrobe because who would consider themselves completely dressed without lipstick?
    “Anyway, Durham suggests to Angie, who just helped herself to the testers, that she looks like a streetwalker and she was doing her a favor by limiting her makeup accessibility.”
    “Oh no,” I gasped.
    “Oh yes,” Piper confirmed. “So, Lucy said there was no reason to get personal and Durham tells Lucy to shut up, which makes Angie call Durham a bleepin’ cow.”
    I winced because I knew Piper was replacing more colorful vocabulary with “bleeping.” She noticed the look on my face and assured me, “Oh, it gets better.”
    I was afraid of that.
    “So I say let’s all calm down and Angie proclaims that she refuses to be in debt to a bleepin’ cow and therefore won’t be buying a thing. At the same time she started taking the clothes in her hand and shoving them under her shirt and in her sweat-pants. Like she’s just gonna walk on out of Nordstrom laden down with stolen goods and no one will dare stop her.”
    In spite of the seriousness of the story, I started to giggle.
    “I told everyone to continue shopping, since they don’t have much time left, and took Angie aside. I assured her that she could have whatever makeup she wants and I would be happy to ‘buy’ the clothes she has stuffed under her shirt so she won’t be indebted to Durham. After a few minutes, Angie agreed but not before announcing, very loudly, that if Mrs. Durham gets in her way again she’s gonna put a cap in her ass.”
    “Piper, I don’t know what to say. How awful.” And in truth it did sound awful. But I couldn’t stop the giggles from escaping. I could easily picture Piper playing diplomat, all the while cursing me under her breath and trying to keep everyone from going postal.
    “Don’t you dare laugh,” she warned me, but she was having a hard time keeping herself from giggling as well. Finally, she couldn’t contain her mirth any longer and we both laughed until we cried. She joined me on the bed, wiping the tears and smeared eyeliner off her cheeks.
    “I am so sorry you had to go through that. I know Durham can be a pain, but I had no idea she would take it out on everyone. I figured she would wait until she saw me again.”
    “Yeah, well, you thought wrong. How did it go in California?”
    “I brought home the two half-bloods with no bloodshed if that’s what you mean.”
    “Where’s Thomas?” she asked.
    “He stayed behind. He’s going to talk to Cookie about the half-bloods and then head home.”
    This technically wasn’t a lie because he would go to the beach house when it was dark and discover I’d really taken the girls and he would have to deal with the wrath of Cookie.
    “Hmmmm,” she said, staring at me speculatively.
    “And we kind of had a fight,” I admitted.
    “I see. What kind of fight?”
    “Oh Piper, it was awful,” I wailed. “We were making out in our room on this huge bed and he just stands up and is all ‘We’ve got to figure out a game plan’ and I’m all ‘What? We’ve got hours to kill before sunset’ and he’s ‘This isn’t the time or the place’ and I’m all, ‘Dude, this is totally the time and place’ and then”—I took a deep breath and wailed again—“then he called me immature!” I hiccupped dramatically for effect, waiting for Piper to console me.
    “You tried to seduce him when you two were at work?” she asked,