Free Everything Carries Me to You (Axton and Leander Book 3) by S.P. Wayne

forearms looked when he rolled up his sleeves, but nothing, nothing could compare to the way that those muscular thighs could straddle him. Axton used to like splaying his fingers out over Leander's thighs then, right above his knees, to marvel at how his hands couldn't reach even halfway around. It always gave him a jolt of arousal deep in his gut. They could have been fucking as hard and fast as racehorses at the finish line, but Axton would squeeze Leander's thighs to feel the size and the strength of them and he'd still get a little extra kick in his insides.
    How many years had Axton spent training himself to silence, only to have his brief time with Leander render him shamelessly vocal? Would it take a lifetime to undo the freedom he'd learned?
    Axton brought one arm up by his face and the other down by his dick. He mouthed at his wrist and then curled his lips back and bit down. It would muffle him, Axton thought, but he bit down hard enough for pain, for something to keep him grounded.
    Stupid, stupid fucking human body with its stupid, stupid needs and its fucking vivid sense memory.
    Axton closed his eyes and closed his hand over his swiftly hardening cock. The memory that made his breath stutter out fast with the first pump wasn't even of Leander's thighs, or his shoulders, or even his perfectly girthy dick. What Axton remembered with most longing in that moment was the quickness of Leander's gaze, how his grey eyes could sweep down and across you to learn all your secrets in less than a second. Leander could stay perfectly still but smile at you with his lips and his eyes from across the room and it felt like he was holding you tight. It was like the sun smiling at you, touching your skin softly.
    Stupid fucking human body , Axton thought, with needs that weren't purely carnal.
    And the thing about Leander's eyes is that they saw still more of you when you were exposed. For Axton had laid on Leander's bed, his shoulder blades pushing into the mattress, feeling raw and exposed as the wound where a wisdom tooth used to be, and still Leander could rake his eyes across him and Axton felt like his own skin was breathing out more secrets in response. When Axton had thought he had nothing left to give, Leander had gently coaxed it out of him, fucking him slow like honey and whispering softly sometimes, as if Axton was an easily startled horse or a stray cat or some other skittish woodland creature--
    Which--well, yeah, in a way, and Axton swallowed back a smile at the thought.
    He'd never felt more naked than with Leander but he'd also never felt so accepted, and that feeling of belonging permeated all his memories even when he just wanted to remember the mechanics of their fucking. And he really did want to remember the mechanics of their fucking, how they pressed together hard dick to hard dick, each slide more urgent and demanding than the last. There was an emptiness inside him, too, that ached for Leander and remembered him vividly. Or then there was the way that Leander could get on his knees to suck Axton's cock, hesitant but enthusiastic at first and then confident with earned knowledge.
    And that memory made Axton shiver in his cold and lonely bed--Leander's big muscular body, kneeling before him. It wasn't submission or supplication, but just--
    Axton moaned softly around his wrist, and then bit down a little harder to stop the noise.
    Everything. He missed everything. He had too much with Leander, and he had appreciated every fucking second, and he'd been so, so grateful--but he lost it anyway, because reverence wasn't enough to keep bad things from happening.
    And the awareness of his loss cut through Axton anew, stinging and sharp like acid poured into an unhealed wound. But he bit into his wrist harder and he choked back his groans and he slid his hand up and down on his dick with frantic need. This was all his had--this was as close to Leander and he would ever get again--thoughts jumbled and unhappy Axton