Free Backstage Pass: All Access by Elizabeth Nelson

torture of watching him with the band and the women was too much for my poor heart. Far better to create scenarios in my head for torture than watch the live version.
    In my room, I change d into something more casual and ordered room service. It was going to be a couple hours before the guys got back to the room. I assumed they had to do a meet and greet—no way I was going to stick around for that. Ugh—signing boobs, giving kisses, smiling, hugging.
    I sh ook myself and jogged around the room. It wasn’t very big, but I managed a couple sprints between the door and the air conditioner—enough to burn my surge of adrenaline. Room service came and went, I rented a pay-per-view movie and fell asleep in the middle. When I woke up, it was two a.m.
    I la id there for a minute and tried to remember where I was and if I was supposed to be anywhere, and then I remembered that it was not me who was not where I belonged. I checked my phone. No texts. Not one. Not one single text.
    I jump ed out of bed and paced. I wasn’t sure what to do. Jesse was supposed to call when he go back so I could come up to his room and not have to stay in this one by myself. But maybe they weren’t back yet. I threw on clothes and grabbed my cell and room key, then headed down to the lobby to see if he’d been down to vouch for me. In the elevator, I swore I hear giggling and laughing coming from the floor upstairs so I changed plans mid button-push and headed up to see if I could find him up there.
    When the doors open ed, it was to such a crush of people that I nearly felt backward into the elevator. I shoved my way through the drunken laughing party-goers and scanned the faces for anyone I knew. I finally saw Scout making out with a blonde who was probably twice his age. I tapped him on the shoulder. He ignored me. I did it again and didn’t stop until he lifted his head. “Wait your turn—oh.” His eyes cleared a bit as he tried to focus on me, but I could tell he was still working out who I was and where I belonged. Then it clicked and he clumsily snapped his fingers. “Jesse was supposed to call.”
    He smack ed his forehead. “I forgot to remind him.”
    My face pulled tight in a fierce glare. He could have at least tried to make the lie sound convincing. “Bullshit. Thanks a lot, Scout.”
    He didn’t bother to retort, but went right back to kissing the groupie and I pushed past him. Now that I knew they’d made it back, I just needed to keep searching for Jesse until I found him. I moved through one room and then another. There were bodies everywhere in every state of undress. Even in my dad’s day it wasn’t quite this overt—or maybe he had just had the good sense to shield me from it. I was kind of hoping for the first and that this hadn’t been the rock star norm for decades.
    I was about to lose my cool when I entered the last room. Jesse hadn’t been in a single bedroom, bathroom, or closet along the entire hallway. I was starting to think maybe he was down in my room, and then I rounded the corner into what must have been his suite.
    And stop ped dead in my tracks.
    A tall blonde in a red miniskirt was trying her best to stick her tongue down Jesse’s throat and her hand down his pants at the same time. I wanted to vomit. My entire body clamped down and I couldn’t run or move or slap the back of her head like I wanted to.
    Jesse came up for air and saw me, then managed to peel the blonde off him and look ashamed. I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows in question.
    “Hey babe.” His words slurred and he could barely walk to me let alone in a semblance of a straight line. He was smashed beyond smashed.
    “Hi.”
    He wrapped his arms around me, but I was stiff and unyielding. “Whatcha’ doin’?”
    I nearly ben t out of his grip because I couldn’t handle the slurring and wobbling and smell of his thick alcohol breath. Plus he’d been smoking.
    “Are you fucking kidding me?” I yank ed his arms off me.