Free A Kosher Dating Odyssey: One Former Texas Baptist's Quest for a Naughty & Nice Jewish Girl by van Wallach Page A

scripts and interesting characters ... Shabbat candles are lit weekly and I am committed to living a Jewish life, including being in touch with my spirituality, growing through learning, doing mitzvoth and giving back to the community. I like to reserve my shabbat afternoons for private times with my special somebody.
    I can dress just right for a day at the beach, an evening at the opera and especially for midnight with you. I enjoy being a woman and I could give Joan Holloway on Mad Men a run for the money. You’ll find toe-cleavage shoes in my closet, just be warned.
    On our first date, we’ll know we have something special when the conversation suddenly leads to a meeting of the eyes in recognition that you can talk to me, and I to you, the way you really are and think.
    The relationship I want would involve spending weekends and holidays and certainly Jewish holidays/Friday evenings together and paying lots of attention to each other. We would have a relationship that’s a harbor from the world’s troubles. There should be mutual admiration and trust, and acceptance and understanding of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. We would create a peaceful, welcoming home full of children and guests. We’d laugh, walk, eat and spend quality time together in bed. And not just napping, either.
     
    Notable emails sent to me:
     
    You do indeed sound interesting, creative and enlightened—and I know there aren’t that many of you out there; however, your face bears a resemblance to my ex’s and that’s something I cannot feel comfortable with at this juncture in my post divorcehood.
     
    Thanks for your compliments. If truth be known, I’m actually 62, and MUCH too old for you. I wish you lots of luck, though, in your search.
     
    Thanks for taking my comments about the child support seriously, it does mean a lot to me as a measurement of the man.
     
    HAHAHAHAH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I WANT TO MEET YOU. I feel running my heart because of you, you are guilty.
     
    Hi Van/Ze’ev. You were very candid in your profile and in our email conversation the other night so I thought I’d tell you a bit more about myself—this time without the generous handholding and comforting anonymity offered by our Cyrano the Reading Specialist [the woman writing this email was looking at men with a friend who actually had a profile, hence the literary reference to a go-between] ... Like you, I like to read and write, am interested in matters of spirit, strive to behave ethically and with compassion, and enjoy literature, philosophy, the arts and Jewish thought, symbolism, custom and culture. I am blessed with wonderful friends—most of them, at the moment, women. I noticed that some people’s profiles focused on what they like to do (doesn’t everybody like watching the sun set, having candlelit dinners and taking long walks on the beach?), what kinds of clothes they like to wear, or what kind of bodies they have. And then they list the hobbies, fashion sense and body types they require of their prospective mates. I liked your profile because, like the one I intend to write if I ever get to that stage, it seemed to offer a peek at your essence rather than your shell ....
     
    For the record, simplicity and a winning smile can be enough to lead to a great connection. My Significant Other simply said this on her profile:
     
    I am honest, stable, creative, nice, a loyal friend, plus a good listener. I love to go to the movies, listen to music (singer/songwriters), go to a museum, walk, and am looking forward to having more time for travel.
    And you know what? What she says in her profile is exactly what we do and share. It was as simple as that.
     

Chapter 6

The Functional Value of Heartbreak, or, Vendetta and the Swan
    Much as in a job interview, the stories we tell on dates are designed to make good first impressions. In fact, so much of this adult dating stuff seemed like nothing more than the recitation of preset narratives. Two