Free Juneteenth by Ralph Ellison Page B

looked down. I said,
    Is it for me?
    Sho, didn’t I tell you? We get it all worked out the way we want it and then, sinners, watch out!
    Suddenly I could feel my fingers turn cold at the tips.
    But why is it so big, I said. I’m not that tall. In fact, I’m pretty little for my age.
    Yeah, but this one has got to last, Bliss. Can’t be always buying you one of these like I do when you scuff out your shoes or bust out the seat of your britches.
    But my feet won’t even touch the end, I said. I hadn’t looked inside.
    Yeah, but in a few years they will. By the time your voice starts to change your feet will be pushing out one end and your head out the other. I don’t want even to have to think about another one before then.
    But couldn’t you get a littler one?
    You mean “smaller”—but that’s just what we don’t want, Bliss. If it’s too small, they won’t notice it or think of it as applying to them. If it’s too big, they’ll laugh when you come rising up. No, Bliss, it’s got to be this size. They have to see it and feel it for what it is, not take it for a toy like one of those little tin wagons or autos. Down there in Mexico one time I saw them selling sugar candy made in this shape, but ain’t no use in trying to sugar-coat it. No, sir, Bliss. They have got to see it and know what they’re seeing is where they’ve all got to end up. Bliss, that there sitting right there on those sawhorses is everybody’s last clean shirt, as the old saying goes. And they’ve got to realize that when that sickle starts to cut its swath, it don’t play no favorites. Everybody goes when that wagon comes, Bliss; babies and grandmaws too, ’cause there simply ain’t no exceptionsmade. Death is like Justice is supposed to be. So you see, Bliss, it’s got to be of a certain size. Hop in there and let’s see how it fits.…
    No, please. Please, Daddy Hickman. PLEASE!
    It’s just for a little while, Bliss. You won’t be in the dark long, and you’ll be wearing your white dress suit with the satin lapels and the long pants with the satin stripes. You’ll like that, won’t you, Bliss? Sure you will. In that pretty suit? Course! And you breathe through this here tube we fixed here in the lid. See? It comes through right here—you hear what I’m saying, Bliss? All right then, pay attention. Look here at this tube. All you have to do is lay there and breathe through it. Just breathe in and out like you always do; only through the tube . And when you hear me say, Suffer the little children … you push it up inside the lid, so’s they can’t see it when Deacon Wilhite goes to open up the lid.…
    But then I won’t have any air.…
    Now don’t worry about that, there’ll be air enough inside the box. Besides, Deacon Wilhite will open it right away.…
    But suppose something happens and …
    Nothing’s going to happen, Bliss.
    Yes, but suppose he forgets?
    He won’t forget. How’s he going to forget when you’re the center of the services?
    But I’m scaird. In all that darkness and with that silk cloth around my mouth and eyes.
    Silk, he said. He looked down at me steadily. What else you want it lined with, Bliss? Cotton? Would you feel any better about it if it was lined with something most folks have to work all their lives and wear every day—weekdays and Sunday? Something that most of our folks never get away from? You don’t want that, do you?
    He touched my shoulder with his finger. I said, Do you?
    I shook my head, shamed.
    He watched me, his head to one side. I’d do it myself, Bliss, but it wouldn’t mean as much for the people. It wouldn’t touch them in the same way. Besides, I’m so big most towns wouldn’t have men strong enough to carry me. We don’t want to have to break anybody’s back just to save their souls, do you, Bliss?
    I don’t guess so, but …
    Of course not, he said quickly. And it won’t be but a few minutes, Bliss. You can even take Teddy with you—no, I guess you