Free Sisters of Heart and Snow by Margaret Dilloway Page A

away, focusing instead on walking to the outhouse.
    â€œTake it back!” Kanehira shouted, coming toward her.
    Tomoe didn’t stop or respond. He would do nothing in front of their father. Suddenly something knocked her over. Fists beat onto her back and head. “You stupid girl!” Kanehira pounded her. She heard her father shouting at him to stop.
    Tomoe rolled over. A punch caught her in the face. She kicked at Kanehira’s ankles, causing him to be off balance, then scrambled away. Kaneto grabbed his son in a bear hug as Kanehira erupted into angry tears. Tomoe bent over, trying to catch her breath.
    â€œGo inside,” Kaneto whispered to his son. Kanehira ran off, no doubt to be comforted by his mother. Yoshinaka followed, shoulders slumped.
    Tomoe stood in front of her father. “Do you think I dishonor you, too, sir?” Her own lip trembled but she willed it to be still. Her back and ribs ached. She wouldn’t complain.
    â€œYou know better than that, Tomoe.” Kaneto’s face was serious. He was being a trainer now, not her father, Tomoe thought. “This is a lesson for you, Tomoe. Did you see Kanehira before you turned away?”
    Tomoe sniffled, thinking. “Yes.”
    â€œAnd what was he doing?”
    â€œHe looked angry.” Tomoe stared at the needle-covered ground. “He had his hands in fists. He was walking toward me.”
    â€œSo.” Kaneto stooped to her level, putting his hand on her shoulder. “You turned your back on someone who was threatening you.”
    She nodded. “I thought because you were here, he wouldn’t do anything.”
    â€œWell, Yoshinaka would not have done that, nor I. But you know your brother well.” He patted her shoulder. “Some who look weak do so on purpose, to make you let down your guard. You must always be ready.”
    â€œHe’s my brother.” Tomoe wiped at the errant tear that escaped her eye. Dirt scratched her skin.
    Kaneto stood. “I know, Tomoe. But he counted on you to turn, so he could attack from behind. Never turn your back to an attack.
Ichi-go, ichi-e.
All you get is one chance.”
    â€œBut . . .” Tomoe wanted to defend herself. Was she to always be on guard against her flesh and blood?
    Kaneto held up a finger. “Only one chance. Sometimes, you must be the first to attack. Do not wait until it’s too late.” He left her there and went into the house.
    Tomoe stayed where she was for a moment, thinking. She smelled rice and fish. Dinner cooking. But she did not go in. Instead, she went into the garden and finished pulling the weeds, ignoring the thorns that scratched her hands.
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Four
    S AN D IEGO
    1991
    T here’s a Japanese saying,
Ichi-go, ichi-e
. Literally, it means “one encounter in a lifetime.” Figuratively, it means you don’t get do-overs in life. Sometimes you make decisions that irrevocably send you down one path instead of another. When you’re young, everything seems reversible.
    But making a few wrong choices can trip you up forever.
    My father was the one who taught me that phrase.
    I spent my childhood on swim teams, winning meets all over town. It was the one thing that made my father really notice me. I saw his proud expression when the other parents congratulated him, how he took photos when I went up to claim my medals. If I lost, he critiqued my performance on the car ride home, telling me how the other swimmers had bested me, how I could improve my time and my form. The thing was, though he’d been a football player, he was often correct. He was not one of those parents who said that doing my best was enough. Winning was enough. I agreed, then.
    And it was also what I was known for in school. I was Rachel the Swimmer. The girl who got up before dawn to swim and would surely be in the Olympics one day.
    I worked harder than anybody else on the swim team. We practiced in the mornings, and I