Free Confessions of a D-List Supervillain by Jim Bernheimer

to build amuses me. Still, I’m about to be kicked to the curb. Obscurity, it’s just a phone call away.
    Wait a damn second! “Cell towers! That’s it!”
    Aphrodite is confused. “What are you talking about?”
    I fish around through the cards until I find the combination. “I’ve only been focusing on the things in your vault. The delivery system is already in place. I just didn’t think of it until now. The General’s chair will boost your power right?”
    “Well yeah, but we’ve been through this before. It’s not enough.”
    “Unless we use The Wireless Wizard’s dead zone gear and use the cell phone towers all across the world to carry your signal. His stuff would use the cell towers and people’s own mobile phones as weapons. We don’t have to lug you and the chair all around the world. We can just have a big old bug killing teleconference! There’s The Overlord’s Mindwiper too. The energy might not be able to go through the Wizard’s gear, but if we hit the heroes with the ray and wipe out the last three months worth of memories, they’ll still have the cravings and feel like shit, but won’t remember why.”
    She runs it through her mind. “It’s brilliant! I’ll get Holly.”
    Of course, there is the small matter of breaking into the Olympian’s headquarters – the most secure location in the world. It’ll be just like a big bank job, a piece of cake, right? Oh wait; I never had much luck with banks.
    • • •
    “So, are you ready for tomorrow?” Stacy asks, using a diagnostic scanner on her suit as I watch.
    “Ready as I can be, I guess. It’s nice that you’re really serious about your armor. Crenshaw just wants her suit to work.”
    “I’d watch Lazarus working on his when we dated. Anytime I’d ask questions, he’d get really possessive. It was kind of strange considering he usually had an entire team of techs working on it at any given time.”
    “You weren’t on his payroll. Either way, his suit is a corvette and mine’s a dump truck. Plus, I’m used to people giving my stuff the once over. It’s generally haggling over the price that irritates me.”
    Rolling her eyes, she chuckles. “Given any thought to what you’ll do after all this is over, Cal?”
    “Well, I’ll have to get a new base. Everyone knows where this one is.”  I don’t bother mentioning that should we lose, I’ll be welcoming my insect overlords with open arms.
    “You could always play for the good guys. I’d vouch for you. The Guardians pay their heroes.”
    I pick up a piece of metal on the bench and flex it in my hands nervously. “Me? Punching the clock and picking up a paycheck, bankrolled by Uncle Sam and Promethia? I don’t see it. Plus, there’s some bad blood between me and the guys here on the GulfCoast.”
    She’s trying to rehabilitate me. “Give it some thought. You keep saying how no one’s ever given you a fair shake.”
    “We’ll see how it plays out. What about you? If we win, you’re going to be stuck on that throne playing ‘Miss Twelve Step program’ to a few billion people all going through withdrawal at the same time. That’s going to be thrilling.”
    “Yeah, I’m trying not to think about it, but it’s going to be even worse for you guys. I’ll be safe in Headquarters and you’ll be out there dealing with all the depressed and suicidal people. I’ll take being inside over riot duty any day.”
    “Riot duty?”  I check the list of things I’ve signed up for, that isn’t on it.
    “I’m guessing Athena hasn’t spoken to you about this yet.”
    “That’s a fair assumption.”
    “We’re going to be so shorthanded after this that we’re going to need everyone to pitch in.”
    “So you’re recruiting me?”
    “I figured you might need a bit of persuasion.”
    I mull it over. “I don’t have any other plans. I’ll do it, but only because it’s you asking.”
    Stacy smiles at me and disconnects the scanner from her armor. “Good. I’m