Free Finding It: And Finally Satisfying My Hunger for Life by Valerie Bertinelli

tired to get up off the couch. A few years earlier, I had been one woman with one child. Now I was exhausted. I jokingly asked Tom and his sister how that had happened. Even better, why had I let it happen?
    “Because you met me and I’m irresistible,” Tom said.
    “You’re half right,” I said with a laugh.
    I tried to look on the positive side. I had stayed on my meal plan. With a house full of people there was no place to sneak off to with a bag of chips or cookies without someone seeing me.
    Smiling, Angela warned me not to be hard on myself and reminded us that the kids were really good children. They were resilient and depended on parents having the same kind of ability to bounce back with kindness, understanding, and love. I saw her point. As the week had gone on, I had sensed a change in my attitude toward the kids, including Wolfie. I had let go and become more Zen-like. They could figure out how to amuse themselves and make their own sandwiches.
    As much as I loved the kids, I also wanted time for myself. Angela assured me that was normal.
    “It’s called self-preservation,” she said, cracking us up.
    Early the next morning, we said goodbye to Tom’s sister. Later, Tom put his children on a plane back to Arizona. Wolfie went to his dad’s. The house was quiet. I walked through feeling like a storm had passed and savored the solitude at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and the crossword. Then Tom came in looking sad after I made a remark about everyone being gone. He pretended to wipe a tear.
    “Cry all you want,” I said. “But I’m happy to have a rest.”
    “It’s not what you think,” he said.
    “No?”
    “Don’t hate me. But I emotionally ate.”
    “Huh? I don’t get it.”
    “On the way back from the airport, I stopped at Burger King,” he said.
    “That’s why you’re upset? I thought it was the kids.”
    He shook his head and added, “I had fries, too.”
    “Oh, Lord,” I said. “I just got rid of five kids. You’re going to have to butch it up, babe.”

Notes to Myself

Hello to a new day!
Mel Brooks once said, “As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re going to be dizzy and make mistakes.” Likewise, as long as the world includes cheeseburgers and chocolate, we’re going to find reasons not to eat salads and fruit.
Don’t get stuck thinking too long-term. Just think about today, and tomorrow, think about tomorrow. But always remember where you put the TV remote control.

Chapter Six
Catch a Wave
    Before one of Wolfie’s shows, I took my mom and my dad aside and read them the passage from my first memoir,
Losing It
, about when their second child, a boy, died at two years old after drinking poison that had been stored in a Coke bottle. Since it was something that had rarely been mentioned when I was growing up, I was nervous about revealing this dreadful time in their lives, and even after my book was published, we hadn’t talked about this family tragedy much.
    After I finished, though, my mom wiped a tear from her eye and thanked me for handling it with sensitivity. She also offered up a few more details about what had happened and how she and my dad had dealt with their unimaginable loss. For her, a woman who rarely speaks about herself, that was equivalent to speaking volumes.
    But at seventy-one, my mom was teaching me that it was nevertoo late to change. She was more open and willing to talk than she had been when I was younger. I assumed it was because she now liked herself more than at any other time in her life.
    She was also taking better care of herself. About seven years earlier, she had been diagnosed with a heart valve problem and warned that eventually she would need surgery. Motivated to take better care of herself, she changed her diet, lost some weight, and gradually improved her lifestyle.
    As she saw the progress I made on Jenny Craig, she went on her own diet. She was typically quiet about it. She didn’t announce it to everyone