Free The Conscious Heart by Gay Hendricks, Kathlyn Hendricks

meditation period was up.”
    That’s the way commitment works. You start by making a master commitment as best you can, with your whole being. The act of making this commitment flushes to the surface any places in your being where you are not yet capable of living up to it. You fall off. Then you go “back to one” and start again. You look at the issue that threw you off, then remake your commitment and get back on again.

THREE

    Seven Soul-Commitments That Allow the Conscious Heart to Thrive
Any time not spent on love is wasted .
—TASSO
    I n the first two years of our own relationship, we spent much time finding out what true commitment was all about. We had no models to follow. Our parents had married into traditional relationship that emphasized duty and hard work. They had lived through the hardships of the Depression and the war and had firsthand familiarity with scarcity and sacrifice. Both our families lost lands and businesses in the political and economic upheavalsof those times. Afterward they valued stability and lifetime commitment. As of this writing, Kathlyn’s parents are approaching their fifty-first wedding anniversary. As we were growing up, it was difficult to see how a lifetime commitment could work except by denying feelings, settling into unquestioned roles, or sliding into sleepwalking.
    As we began to inquire into it, we saw that most people were focusing on the wrong kind of commitment. They were making outcome commitments rather than process commitments. An example of an outcome commitment is: “I will stick by you through thick and thin until death do us part.” It focuses on the outcome, on the goal rather than the journey, ignoring the fact that outcomes can’t be controlled. In a process commitment two people make an agreement about how they will travel together, not about where they are going. Process commitments focus on things that are absolutely within their control, such as telling the truth, keeping agreements, and listening nonjudgmentally.
    By making soul-level commitments to seven specific processes—each of which is completely within your control—you take ownership of a reliable map of the path. Then reaching the destination becomes a real possibility.
THE SEVEN SOUL-COMMITMENTS

    As our relationship grew in depth and understanding, we found that there were seven major process commitments that really made a difference. We took years to develop, understand, and embrace these commitments in our souls. Once we did, however, the heart-level satisfaction of our relationship became much more profound. Here are the commitments that we discovered to be essential:
The First Soul-Commitment

    I commit to realizing my full potential for both closeness and autonomy. I open myself to learning about and honoring my essence-rhythms of closeness and separateness, and to learning about and honoring those rhythms in others .
The Second Soul-Commitment

    I commit to full expression, to holding back nothing. This means telling the truth about everything, including my feelings, my fantasies, and my actions. I commit to telling the unarguable truth—truth that no one can argue with—instead of giving my opinions, beliefs, and prejudices. I also commit to listening, nonjudgmentally, to what people say to me .
The Third Soul-Commitment

    I commit to becoming the source of full responsibility for my life, including my happiness, my well-being, and my life-goals. I absolve everyone, living or dead, past or present, from any implication that they cause my feelings or actions in any way .
The Fourth Soul-Commitment

    When faced with the choice between being happy and being defensive, I commit to choosing happiness. I commit to doing this especially in those situations when my defensiveness seems most warranted and when it is totally obvious to me that I am right and the other person is wrong .
The Fifth Soul-Commitment

    I commit to learning to love and appreciate myself and others in my close