Free Tongue by Kyung-Ran Jo Page A

mash it. My muscular tongue wets it with flowing saliva, works it, flips it, moves it deep into my throat. My tongue bends back to push it in deeper, to shove it down completely. Nothing, not one piece, not one drop, escapes from my mouth. It slides perfectly into my stomach. All the nerves in my body vibrate faintly like the end of a needle, and finally I heave a breath out. My tongue, remembering the dish I’ve just tasted, licks my lips.
    The food I eat in my imagination is more powerful and particular than what I consume in reality, just as a dream feels very real seconds after you awake from it, just as a person thinking about killing someone first tries it out in his dreams. You go over it again and again in the imaginary world because you’re deprived of whatever it is you want, because there’s something in you that misses it—an unfinished piece of art. Human beings sprint toward pleasure. Unfortunately they feel pain, a joining of sensations, more easily than pleasure.

CHAPTER 13
    I’M LEFT BEHIND with the silent old dog, just the two of us. When a dog realizes his noises are no longer being understood as language he stops barking and whining. Language exists between people and also between a person and a dog. Paulie’s the one who taught me that, and his silence now signifies my own. If I thought I would return to Nove after we split up, I might not have taken Paulie. It’s not that I’m not fond of him, but I would have known I wouldn’t be able to take care of a dog. Paulie no longer approaches me happily or wags his tail or whimpers. But he hasn’t turned aggressive or mean like dogs left to fend for themselves. He seems confused about the changes in his life and needs time to accept them. As a dog grows old, the smallest change in his routine becomes the source of great confusion. I gently stroke Paulie’s neck as he lies on the floor like a pile of dirty brown rags. Nervousness and unease unite us now. It’s invisible but we feel the same thing. For the first time in a very long while, Paulie’s rough tongue licks my palm and his slightly averted black eyes study my faceas if to say, I haven’t forgotten all of this yet. As if he understands whatever I have to say. But it will be almost impossible to get Paulie to comprehend that he’s gone. For Paulie this concept is more difficult than understanding when he’s allowed to jump up and when he isn’t.
    It’ll be okay, Paulie.
    Paulie lets out a moan, the sound being dragged up from the bottom of his stomach. I hug him and he glues himself to my body. If only someone were next to me, someone who can understand everything I say. I’m glad I’m not alone but somehow I get the feeling that I will be left by myself soon.
    We fall into a comfortable rhythm. When I come home from work I take Paulie out for a walk no matter how tired I am. We usually head to the playing field at the neighborhood elementary school. I didn’t know that so many people exercised in the field that late, approaching midnight. Before, we walked Paulie in the afternoon and almost never went anywhere at night. The evenings dashed by as we cooked and ate and listened to music and played fetch with Paulie in the yard and drank tea. On one of those nights, I watched him play with Paulie in the yard as I cradled a cup of tea and realized that this evening enveloping me was the pinnacle of my life, a solid and brilliant crystal. Everything was in its place and I had everything I had ever wanted and we were still so young. One final sentence was left in the story: They lived happily ever after. His whistle still rings clearly in my ears and I still see Paulie energetically leaping after the ball. And all I have left from that evening is the old dog and the ball nestled in my palm.
    Was our love real? I gaze at the ball in my hand. Paulie barks. I wind up and throw it and Paulie jumps up into the sky, showing off, and catches it in his mouth. Then, his head raised high with pride,