Free The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore

beat all trips would start. "I mean he was really mad. You know, like glowing mad."
    "That's not what you meant."
    "It isn't?"
    "He really glowed, didn't he?"
    "Well, not constantly. Like, for a little while. Then he just stared at me."
    "Why did he leave, Josh?"
    "He said he had what he needed now."
    "What was that? What did he take?"
    "I don't know." Josh was beginning to worry about the constable. He looked like he might hurl any second. "You're sure you want to go with the glowing thing, Constable Crowe? I could be wrong. I'm a kid. We make notoriously unreliable witnesses."
    "Where'd you hear that?" "CSI."
    "Those guys know everything."
    "They have the coolest stuff."
    "Yeah," said Theo wistfully.
    "You don't get to use cool cop stuff like that, huh?"
    "Nope." Theo was sounding really sad now.
    "But you shot a guy, right?" Josh said cheerfully, trying to raise Theo's spirits.
    "I was lying. I'm sorry, Josh. I'd better go. Your mom will be home soon. You just tell her everything. She'll look out for you. The deputies will stay with you until she gets here. See ya, kiddo." Theo ruffled his hair and started out of the kitchen.
    Josh didn't want to tell her. And he didn't want Theo to go. "There's something else."
    Theo turned and looked back at him. "Okay, Josh, I'll stick around—"
    "Someone killed Santa Claus tonight," Josh blurted out.
    "Childhood ends too soon, doesn't it, son?" Theo said, putting his hand on Josh's shoulder.
    If Josh had had a gun, he'd have shot him, but being an unarmed kid, he decided that of all of these adults, the goofy constable might just be the one who would believe what he had seen happen to Santa.

    The two deputies had come into the house with Josh's mother, Emily Barker. Theo waited until she had hugged most of the breath out of her son, then reassured her that everything was okay and made a quick escape. As he came down the porch steps, he saw something yellow shining by the front tire of his Volvo. He looked back to make sure that neither of the deputies was looking out, then he crouched before the front tire and reached up into the wheel well and pulled out a hank of yellow hair that had caught in the black vinyl dent molding. He quickly shoved it into his shirt pocket and climbed into the car, feeling the hair throbbing against his chest like a living thing.

    The Warrior Babe of the Outland admitted that she was powerless without her medication and that her life had become unmanageable. Molly checked off the step in Theo's little blue Narcotics Anonymous book.
    "Powerless," she muttered to herself, remembering the time when mutants had chained her to a rock in the den of the behemo-badger in Outland Steel: Kendra's Revenge. If not for the intervention of Selkirk, the rogue sand pirate, her entrails would even now be curing on the salt stalagmites of the badger's cave.
    "That would sting, huh?" said the Narrator.
    "Shut up, that didn't really happen." Did it? She remembered it like it did.
    The Narrator was a problem. The problem, really. If it had just been a little erratic behavior, she might have been able to wing it until the first of the month and go back on her meds without Theo noticing, but when the
    Narrator showed up, she knew she needed help. She turned to the Narcotics Anonymous book that had been Theo's constant companion when he was battling his pot habit. He talked about working the steps all the time, and how he couldn't have done it without them. She needed to do something to reinforce the rapidly blurring line between Molly Michon, party planner, cookie baker, the retired actress, and Kendra, mutant slayer, head breaker, the warrior temptress.
    " ' Step two,' " ' she read. " ' Come to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.' " She thought for a moment and looked out the front window of the cabin for the lights from Theo's car. She really hoped she could get through all twelve steps before he got home.
    "Nigoth the Worm God shall be my