Free Only With You by Monica Alexander

part of me didn’t have the half-cocked idea that just maybe, if he knew how I felt, that he’d suddenly decide he liked women.
    Yeah right. Gay guys just didn’t turn straight.
    “Hey Paul,” I said glumly.
    “Yo u all right, love?”
    “ No, I’m pissed off at myself for not acknowledging him tonight. It was shitty, and now he’s probably mad at me.”
    “Just call him, Syd. You’re making yourself crazy, and it’s not healthy.”
    “I know, but I already texted him, and it didn’t do any good. He just called me a hot piece of ass.”
    “I thought he was gay?” Paul questioned.
    “He is. He said it as a joke, because he’s pissed off at me for ignoring him, and he wanted me to feel bad.”
    “Well, personally, I think he’s an absolute arse for not calling you after you gave him the umbrella message.”
    And there was that.
    “Yeah, I didn’t exactly give it to him.”
    “Why the hell not?”
    “I couldn’t do it, because if I did, I’d have had to look at him, and then I’d have gotten all emotional. It would have fried my concentration.”
    “So he came all the way to the show for nothing?”
    Yes, yes, that was true, and I was a total bitch for doing that to him.
    “What should I do?”
    “I can’t answer that for you. This thing with you two is odd, but I think if he’s your friend, and you miss him, then you need to put aside your feelings and just be friends.”
    I sighed. “I know. Especially since being apart isn’t working. I need him, Paul. He’s too important to me, and we have too much history.”
    “I know. Just call him. Tell him to come down to Tampa on Friday night and watch the show from backstage. You can chat before, work things out and then see him afterward.”
    “You think that’ll work?”
    He shrugged. “Don’t know. All you can do is try.”
    “I guess.”
    When we hung up the phone a few minutes later, I called Ryder and left him a message when he didn’t answer. I asked him to call me, and I hoped he would.

 
     
     
     
     
    Chapter Eight
    Ryder
     
    “You’re coming out with me tonight, you bum,” Jake said when he burst into our room on Friday night. “And here.”
    I caught what he’d thrown at me. It was a new iPhone.
    “You bought me a phone?” I asked, perplexed by the gesture.
    He hauled himself up onto the platform and turned to face me. “My dad did technically , since it was his credit card, but yeah. I felt guilty about the whole shoving Kirsten onto you thing, so I figured I’d make amends. She told me what happened, that Syd texted you, and then you shattered your phone.”
    I nodded. “Yeah, that’s pretty much what happened, but w hatever. I think I decided I have to move on. I can’t do this anymore. I’m making myself crazy.”
    “What are you talking about ? She texted you. Now you have a phone. Text her back.”
    I shrugged. “Maybe later.”
    But I knew I wouldn’t do it. I was going to force myself to cut ties for good.
    “Or maybe, you should make the grand gesture and show up at her concert in Tampa tonight? Huh? What do you think about that? I’ll go with you.”
    I laughed out loud, I was so shocked that he was offering, but I’d decided early that morning that I needed to stop obsessing over Sydney Chase. If she hadn’t been able to bring herself to even acknowledge my presence after sending me tickets to her show, I couldn’t expect that things could ever be the way they were between us again. She never would have done that before. Hell, during her last tour, she’d sung directly to me, and once she’d even hauled me up on stage and made me dance with her. She’d treated me like her best friend, like the guy I’d been for years, but I had to face the facts that I wasn’t that guy anymore.
    How she’d treated me on Wednesday night had been a cold dismissal, and I just needed to see it for what it was. She was letting go. I found it interesting that she waited several hours to text me. She’d had to