Free How to Be a Normal Person by TJ Klune Page A

encyclopedias before bedtime. Beef jerky as a special dessert and having every day be an okay day.
    It was all Casey’s fault. All of it.
    Which explained why, when Lottie spoke from behind them, Gus let out a strangled sort of scream.
    “Wow,” Lottie said, almost causing Gus to drop Harry S. Truman with how much he jumped. She affected a horrible French accent and said rather breathily, “ La passion est incroyable .”
    He had finished screaming by the time her terrible French ended, so he was able to catch the gist of it and he immediately made plans to find out if hexes were real so he could put one on Lottie Richards. But since one did not inform a party as to an impending hex, he instead chose to scowl at everyone standing in the shop, a look that was immediately ignored.
    “Did I scare you?” she asked mildly and Gus decided it would be a bad hex.
    “No!” Gus said. “Not at all. Not even a little bit. I was just testing the acoustics in here. They were terrible.”
    “Uh-huh,” Lottie said. “So, what did you learn today?”
    “Learn?” Casey asked, and Gus did not shiver slightly when the stoned hipster brushed by him, bare arm touching Gus even though there was plenty of room to avoid such an action.
    “The We Three Queens bought Gus an inspirational message calendar for Christmas,” Lottie explained. Like a jerk. “They thought he could use some uplifting sentiments on a daily basis. To make sure he reads them, we have to ask him every day what the messages are.”
    “Huh,” Casey said. “Makes sense.”
    “How does that make sense?” Gus asked incredulously.
    Casey looked confused. “It’s a calendar with quotes. It’s not that hard. Do you need help with it?”
    “Oh my god,” Gus said. “No, I don’t need help reading a calendar.”
    “Oh,” Casey said, sounding strangely disappointed. “Well, what did it say?”
    He didn’t really understand the question, because Casey’s tank top had billowed out slightly under the arms and Gus saw a nipple and everything misfired in his head all at once.
    “Uhhh,” Gus said rather poetically.
    “Gus?” Lottie asked.
    “Uhhh,” Gus said, sounding less poetic.
    “He was glaring at the building earlier,” Casey said to Lottie. “I don’t think he likes the shape of it. He has a thing against squares. I don’t even know.”
    And that snapped him out of his nipple-induced haze. “I have to release my inner sunshine all over the world!” Gus cried. And holy shit, the acoustics .
    Lottie and Casey stared at him.
    “Was today’s message,” Gus said, thinking now would be a perfect time to see if he could be a long-distance runner.
    Casey’s lips twitched. “Um. You have to what?” Those eye crinkles were back.
    “Release his inner sunshine,” Lottie said, obviously struggling not to laugh. “All over the world.”
    “Wow, man,” Casey said. “That’s truly inspirational.”
    Gus eyed him warily.
    “If you’re a Care Bear,” Casey added.
    “I’m not a Care Bear!” Gus snapped.
    “Didn’t think you were,” Case said. “You’re much taller than a Care Bear is.”
    “I think I got a contact high,” Gus said. “I think you’re high and there was contact and now I’m high and that’s why we’re talking about Care Bears.”
    “Oh?” Lottie asked innocently. “There was contact?”
    Gus flushed horribly.
    Casey made a slightly wounded noise.
    Lottie grinned evilly.
    “Erm,” Gus said.
    “He blushes all the time ,” Casey said in awe.
    “Really?” Lottie asked. “Because this is the first time I’ve seen it.” And then, just because she could, she said, “Gus! Best Adapted Screenplay category, forty-ninth Academy Awards.”
    And since Gus couldn’t not , he said, “Robert Getchell, Nicholas Meyer, Federico Fellini and Bernardino Zapponi, David Butler and Steve Shagan. William Goldman won for All the President’s Men .”
    “What,” Casey said.
    “I really enjoyed that movie,” Lottie said.