Free The Lost Daughter: A Memoir by Mary Williams

I crept into the living room and peeked out the window. I saw a skinny woman in a tube top and tight jeans hammering the door, all the while staring furtively over her shoulder. It took a moment for me to register that it was my sister Deborah. She was at least twenty pounds underweight. Her cheekbones were protruding and her eyes were sunken.
    I cracked the door open using my foot to keep her from pushing her way in.
    “Open the door, Lawanna!” she said, trying to push the door open.
    “Mama ain’t here. She say you can’t come in if she ain’t here.”
    I could see that my sister was scared of something but I was even more scared of what Mama would do to me if she found out I let Deborah inside.
    “Let me in, baby girl! Somebody is trying to get me!”
    I stepped aside and let her in, and she quickly locked the door. She turned to me and said, “If a man comes looking for me, don’t tell him I’m here.” Then she ran to the back bedroom and closed the door.
    Within a minute there was another round of furious knocking on the door. I cracked the door again using my foot as a doorjamb and I was relieved to see a short, skinny man instead of the big pimp from before. The scrawny guy was trying to see past me into the house.
    “Whatchu want?” I asked.
    “Deborah! I saw her come in here,” he said, now trying to push the door open.
    I pushed back.
    “She ain’t here, now get the fuck off our porch!”
    The man suddenly pushed the door with all his might, sending me across the room and onto the couch. He walked right in like he owned the place, opening the door to the downstairs bathroom and violently pulling back the shower curtain. I didn’t have sense enough to be afraid. I still had a little bit of tomboy in me telling me that I was fearless and fully capable of defending myself from most dangers. So I trailed behind the man, cursing him out as he searched our house.
    He ignored me and continued his search. When he reached the bedroom in the back where Deborah was hiding, he opened the door and saw her. He stepped into the room and closed the door in my face. I was about to enter behind him when I heard an awful sound that stopped me in my tracks and sent my tomboy spirit running for cover. I heard the sickening thud of a fist violently colliding with flesh over and over again. He was beating my sister and I could hear her grunts as she took the blows.
    After a minute or two, he came out of the room breathing hard and rubbing his fist. I shrank away from him, suddenly realizing that I too was in danger. That I was in danger the minute he pushed his way into the house. I was only spared because he was so focused on finding my sister.
    The man seemed not to notice me now that his mission was complete, and I was relieved to see him walk out the front door. I locked the door behind him and went to check on my sister. She was just getting up from the floor when I came into the room and I helped her to stand. I noticed her arms were just bones when I gripped her upper arm. Her face was just beginning to bruise up, her nose bleeding, and she was holding her stomach.
    “You OK?” I asked, nearly in tears.
    “Yeah. I’m OK,” she said, as if nothing unusual had occurred.
    Then she made her way to the living room and out the front door without so much as a good-bye. I was terrified. Hours later I was still terrified. That afternoon was the moment I realized that being female in my hood was to be vulnerable. The only power grown women had was over their small children. I wouldn’t be a kid for long. I was quickly approaching puberty and the phase in my life when I would no longer feel safe in the world.

CHAPTER 5
    RELIEF CAME FOR ME that summer when Uncle Landon came over one evening to ask Mama if she was interested in sending me, Louise and my brother to summer camp in Santa Barbara. Mama was quick to agree and I was excited to get a break from her and Oakland. I didn’t know where Santa Barbara was, but I