Free Nothing Changes Until You Do: A Guide to Self-Compassion and Getting Out of Your Own Way by Mike Robbins Page B

imagine, I didn’t have a 90-minute speech on “the keys to creating a championship team” prepared. But, over the next six days, I came up with one.
    I made the two-hour drive from San Francisco the following week for the event. I was scheduled to speak at the end of the day, from 3:30 to 5:00 P.M. —probably not the most ideal time since people would likely be tired of sitting all day and ready to go home by then. I had turned 27 the month before, and when I walked into the room and looked around, I realized I was probably the youngest person there, which added to my already significant level of anxiety. By the time I got introduced to come up to speak, I was so nervous I could hardly even catch my breath. Have you ever felt so nervous that you were sure the people around you could actually hear your heart beating? That’s how I felt.
    I don’t even remember what I said for the first ten minutes. It was like an out-of-body experience, and not the good kind. But soon enough, I started to calm down and have fun, and then things actually started to go pretty well. Toward the end of my presentation, I remember thinking, I wonder if these people have any idea I’ve never done this before? I was amazed that even in the midst of my fear and doubt, I actually felt pretty comfortable, confident, and natural up there. And, from the sounds of the applause and the positive comments afterward, it seemed like people resonated with me and my message, which felt great. It was definitely a peak experience for me, and I was proud of myself and grateful it had gone well.
    As I was driving home still buzzing from the excitement of my speech, I asked myself a really simple but important question: What did I just do that allowed that to work out so well, especially for my first time? I came up with three answers to that question. First, I tried to just be myself, even as nervous as I was. Second, I tried to talk about things I know about and not pretend to know things I didn’t. And finally, I tried to connect with the audience in a personal way. That was it.
    Thirteen years later with now close to 2,000 presentations under my belt, those three things still ring true.
    Too often in life, we unnecessarily overcomplicate things. As Woody Allen famously said, “Eighty percent of life is just showing up.” I think he’s right and that’s true whether we’re giving a speech, going out on a first date, having an important meeting at work, playing with our kids, trying something new, working on a creative project, or doing just about anything in life—big or small.
    We erroneously think that we have to be prepared or organized in order to do certain things that matter to us. And while there is value in preparation and organization, for sure, often our obsession with these things is based on our fears or simply our inability to see that we’re already prepared, even when we don’t think we are. The most important thing we can do is show up and be ourselves.

CHAPTER 13
    Give Yourself Permission to Make Mistakes
    A few years ago, I was scheduled to fly to Dublin, Ireland, for a speaking engagement, and when I got to the airport I realized I’d forgotten my passport at home. I felt mortified and embarrassed—and then angry when I found out I wouldn’t be able to get on my flight. After a few hours of stress and drama, I was able to get myself on another flight, which got me to Ireland in time for my event but cost me quite a bit of money and forced Michelle to have to drop what she was doing and rush to the airport with my passport.
    As I was waiting for Michelle to arrive, my heart was racing and my mind was flooded with self-criticism. The conversation that my gremlin was having with me in my head went something like this: You idiot! How could you be so stupid? Your passport was sitting right on your desk where it always is, and you just forgot it, for no reason. You’re a flake! You get upset with Michelle when she forgets to itemize