Free Awakening by Sydney Holmes Page B

to take baby steps toward my real life. This could be the new me. I feel the fire burning in my belly; I am taking control. No more whining. I hate that Darren called it whining.
    “You look like the cat that ate the canary,” Sophia says as she walks into my office.
    “Oh, yeah.” A wide grin spreads across my face. “Can you keep a secret?” I can’t hold it in, I must tell someone! I am so excited about this decision. It feels so good to have a plan.
    “You and Ryan slept together at lunch?” She sits down and makes herself comfortable.
    “What!” I gasp, although the thought is not repulsive. “No! Jeez. What is Julie telling everyone? Oh my God, she isn’t telling everyone that, is she?”
    “Relax! I was just kidding.” She smiles at me. “Hit a nerve, did I?”
    Now I’m mortified. I took the bait, hook, line, and sinker.
    “No. Listen. I want to tell you something. I have made a huge decision.”
    “Okay. Sounds serious.” She leans in towards the desk.
    “I have decided to look for an internship at a law firm or someplace where they practice law, haven’t figured it all out yet. And I’m going to sit in on some law classes.” I cross my arms over my chest, the physical gesture containing my excitement.
    “And it’s about time, too! Thank God. We’ve all been waiting.”
    What? They’ve been waiting for me to do this?
    “Huh?” I gape at her.
    She laughs. “We’ve been hearing about law school forever, but every time you get your resolve up, you back down. We can’t figure it out. Well, Joanne thinks it’s Darren, but that’s a whole different day. I am so happy for you.” She pauses as I digest what she’s just said.
    “Really? Joanne thinks Darren is holding me back?”
    “Yeah, but that’s old news. What’s going on with you two, anyway?” Sophia looks earnest.
    “Well,” my brain starts slowly, still confused by what Sophia has so casually tossed out, “Darren and I are—How do I even explain it? It’s been strange, lately. Last night we had a fight, and he said some things that were really mean and spiteful.” I lean back in my chair, still uncomfortable thinking about it. “I really don’t know about Darren right now.”
    “Wow, Nora! This is huge! Holy cow, you guys have been so—so stable for so long. You want to talk about it?” Sophia seems genuinely stunned.
    Is that how everyone viewed us, stable? Scheduled, is more like it.
    “I don’t know. I just wanted to talk to him about life, you know.” I pause, searching for the word, thinking about my passionate dance. “But then I mentioned law school, and he flipped out and then I flipped out.”
    I have yet to find the words to explain how that dance at the club affected me. No wonder I floundered trying to talk to Darren about it. How does one say, ‘I met this man who boiled my blood and made me rethink everything in my life. And you, Darren, are just not cutting it.’ And even that doesn’t fully explain everything.
    “Okay, remember Mr. Stud from your party?” I start slowly. Sophia nods her head. “What if life could really be like that? What if I could really be like that?”
    “Like parties, dancing, things like that?” Sophia asks.
    “No. Like passion. That man was so intense in everything he did. I just wonder, does he live like that all the time? Can a person really carry that much passion around all day?” I pause, thinking about it. “I want that,” I almost whisper. “And now,” starting again at full volume, “I don’t know, ever since that night I am just impatient with, with banalities.”
    I know I’m thinking of Ryan and stealing his words, but as I hear myself talking I know they are true. I’m bored with everything. Ryan is offering me a taste of excitement. And my sexy stranger showed me a glimpse of what that could be like. If only they had been the same person! And Darren? Darren is just Darren.
    “Banalities?”
    “Boring old topics. Boring old life. Sitting in