Free Gothic Charm School by Jillian Venters Page B

person with the outrageous hair or clothing is a danger to them either. If your child points out a Goth with excitement or interest, don’t feel you have to warn him or her to watch out for the Goth. Most Goths, when a small child exclaims over the way they look or waves at them, think such behavior is cute and will smile or wave back.
    However, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that because someone looks like he just escaped from the set of a particularly wacky movie, he would be delighted to spend time entertaining your off-spring. Goths are not zany costumed characters or entertainers. Actually, now that the Lady of the Manners stops to think on it, some of them very well might be, but probably not the sort who specialize in children’s entertainment. Even if they were, unless you’ve hired them for a special event, you shouldn’t assume that they will stop whatever they are doing and amuse your children at length. Again, it comes down to treating that eccentric person in black clothing in the same way you’d treat anyone else. Asking questions of that eccentric person in black is just fine. Letting your children grab at her, or using her as a distraction for your children while you go off and do something else, is most assuredly not.
    You may think the Lady of the Manners is being a touch dramatic about the whole “do not assume the Goths will entertain your children” point. Oh, Snarklings, she’s not. The Lady of the Manners will freely admit that her preferred wardrobe makes her look like she’s escaped from a touring production of Mary Poppins as visualized by Tim Burton, which may give some people the idea that she’s just like a lovable and magical nanny and thus is willing to child-wrangle at the drop of a veiled hat. While the Lady of the Manners is many things, a magical nanny she is not. The same goes for other Goths, many of whom have talked at great length with the Lady of the Manners about this same phenomenon. The Lady of the Manners suspects this happens more frequently to those of us who have a more Victorian and/or whimsical style than it might to the Goths who favor a deathrock and/or Grrr! Stompy! look, but regardless of what corner of the subcultural closet a Goth is exploring, there always seems to be someone who assumes this Goth will be offering a free show and babysitting service.
    A few words for the Goths reading this section
    The Lady of the Manners begs you, no matter what your feelings toward children are, to be as polite as you possibly can manage toward them. Yes, even if their parents are looking at you like you’ve just appeared in a black cloud of sulfurous smoke and are about to stride forth to destroy everything they hold dear. Yes, even if you really don’t like children. Please don’t give in to any urges to scare kids or their parents, no matter what provocation may be offered. Why? Because, like it or not, the majority of the mainstream population is already a little unnerved by us spooky types. One of the least helpful things a Goth can do is strengthen that uneasy feeling and make“normal people” even more wary of us. Does that mean you should try to make friends with all the little kids you meet, let them clamber all over you, and be oh so zany and fun for their amusement? Bah. Of course not. The Lady of the Manners likes children (in general and is very fond of some specific ones) but is not willing to be extremely friendly and approachable to every munchkin she meets. So remember to politely answer any questions from children you meet. Don’t tell them stories about how you’re a vampire or that you’re going to eat them or give them to the monsters. (Unless, of course, the children in question are close to you and have been raised on jolly stories of friendly monsters, just like the Lady of the Manners’s assorted godchildren have been.) However, in all seriousness, do not try to scare the kids