Free Life on the Ramona Coaster by Ramona Singer Page B

never occurred to me that Jill would get upset that she wasn’t invited. It was just supposed to be an intimate gathering for a few of my close friends. I had no clue it would turn into a fiasco and become a big story line. I didn’t feel like I had done anything wrong, but when that episode aired I came off like a bitch for not inviting Jill. That was my first experience of how being on a reality show can bite you in the ass and get you into trouble. My actions were genuine and in no way did I intend to exclude Jill. I had no idea how it would end up coming across or that she would be offended. Maybe I should have, though, because this wasn’t the first time we had this issue. Jill and I have always had a volatile friendship; being on the show has only magnified that dynamic.
    I knew Jill socially before we started filming. We both had houses in Southampton, so we played tennis and socialized during the summer. We were friendly, but she wasn’t a close friend. For years, every Memorial Day weekend I would throw a party for thirty or forty people, but I never invited Jill. Then one year, I remember her saying she couldn’t believe I didn’t invite her to my party. The truth is, I much prefer to have an intimate get together than a huge party where I can’t talk to all of my guests. Inviting Jill meant I had to expand my guest list to the point that it wasn’t going to be an intimate gathering any more, so I ended up having two parties just so I wouldn’t hurt her feelings.
    Since we are both strong-willed and outspoken, I have learned to take a back seat and to avoid going head-to-head with Jill. It’s better to let her be strong first, contain my opinion (which is hard for me to do), and wait until she is more receptive, to offer her my point of view. I find that when I use this approach, we have been able to resolve our issues peacefully and have even ended up learning from one another. Naturally, over the years, there have been many, many times when I could not contain myself and we would go at it. But, at the end of the day, we have tremendous respect for one another.
    The other big confrontation that first season was at Bethenny’s dinner party. I left early and she was very upset and hurt by that. I remember that I had told the producers that I had a previous commitment and had to leave early, but it seems that information was never passed on. I should have said to Jill and Bethenny directly that I was only coming for part of the evening. I was already frazzled when I got there, so when I saw Simon I just snapped and was bitchy to him. Bethenny took me aside and calmed me down. After that, I came out with a martini to welcome him more graciously—unfortunately that didn’t make it into the episode. This is another example of how things backfired on me because I feel my actions were taken out of context. Ultimately, though, it doesn’t matter. We’re all in this to produce a great show. It isn’t scripted. What you see on television is what is really happening in our lives. They can’t show everything, so it makes sense for them to choose the most provocative and entertaining moments. That’s fine with me because I own my behavior. I’m not perfect. If I react poorly in the moment or if I hurt someone’s feelings, I am always willing to apologize and to learn from my mistakes. Life is learning.
    The reason I have done The Real Housewives of New York City for seven seasons is because I have fun working and interacting with the other women on the show. I don’t do it to be famous or popular. I have no interest in being a celebrity, but there’s no avoiding a certain amount of fame and notoriety when you appear on a hit television show. Almost immediately after the first episode aired, people began to recognize me in public. I would be shopping at Bloomingdale’s and people would come up to me and tell me how much they loved me and loved the show. I remember the first time I realized that I could no