Free Crazy For You by Cheyenne McCray Page A

ever.”
    Clint shook his head. “I was responsible for Bucky’s death. How could you want me around after that?”
    “What in God’s name are you talking about?” Carl held his pipe away from his face. “You weren’t the reason Bucky died.”
    “I was the one who let Bucky get on that bronc at the rodeo. He had to have been drunk the way he was acting. He insisted on riding and I couldn’t get him off that horse.” Clint looked down at his hands. “I should have tried harder. I should have pulled him off that damned bronc. He would never have taken a fall and wouldn’t have been trampled to death.”
    “For God’s sake, is that what you think?” Carl’s voice rose. “That Bucky dying was your fault?”
    “It was.” Clint pushed his hand through his hair. “He was drunk, damn it.”
    “He wasn’t drunk.” Carl’s voice was clear and calm. “He had a heart attack while he was on that horse.”
    Clint’s gaze cut from the rain to Carl. “What do you mean he had a heart attack?”
    Carl let out a deep sigh. “Bucky insisted on keeping his heart problems from everyone, including you. He had a rare heart defect and didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for him.” Carl shook his head.
    Clint stared at him, stunned into being unable to speak, his mind reeling. What Carl was saying was like a punch to Clint’s gut.
    “He was stubborn that way, like his mother.” Carl took another puff on his pipe before he went on. “If I’d known you blamed yourself, I would have told you.” Carl leaned back in his chair. “But instead of staying and talking to me, you left without a word.”
    Clint looked away from Carl and stared out into the night, watching raindrops sparkle and fall in the soft porch light. Bucky had suffered from heart problems all those years and hadn’t told Clint? It was almost like a slap in the face. Clint had been Bucky’s best friend since they were kids. How could Bucky have kept something like this a secret from Clint?
    He turned back to Carl, still having a hard time comprehending what the older man had said. Clint swallowed. “You’re positive that’s what happened?”
    “Know it for a fact.” Carl rocked back and forth in his rocking chair. “Coroner did an autopsy.”
    Clint shook his head. All these years he’d been running from his past, from something that wasn’t his fault? “If I’d known about Bucky’s heart problems… He said he wasn’t drunk and that he was going to ride. I didn’t believe him… Damn.”
    Carl blew out a puff of smoke. “Don’t beat yourself up about it one way or another. You can’t change things and like I said, Bucky was as stubborn as they get.” Carl continued rocking in his chair. “I like to think Bucky went the way he’d have wanted to go. Ridin’ a bronc.”
    With his forearms on his thighs, Clint leaned forward and watched the rain come down. He listened to the drum of raindrops hitting the porch overhang. The news of Bucky’s heart attack and the fact that it wasn’t Clint’s fault still had him feeling stunned.
    “What’ve you been up to since you’ve been gone?” Carl continued to rock. “What’s kept you away for such a long spell?”
    Clint had to draw himself back to the present to answer Carl. “Traveled abroad for years.” Clint continued to stare into the night. “Raised horses for a while.”
    Carl nodded. “You’ll have to tell me all about it when you’re ready.”
    “I’d like to apologize.” Clint faced Carl. “I should have been here for you and Alice, and Ella, too. I shouldn’t have run away like I did.”
    “What’s done is done.” Carl eyed Clint evenly. “You can’t change the past but you can learn from it. I’m willing to bet you did a lot of growing up while you were off doing God knows what, God knows where.”
    “A hell of a lot of growing up.” Clint gave a wry smile. “Apparently I have more growing up to do.”
    Carl seemed to focus in more on Clint. “You have