Free Crazy For You by Cheyenne McCray

throat and the backs of his eyes burned. He couldn’t think of anything to say.
    Alice looked at her plate before raising her eyes and putting on a bright smile. “Who wants seconds?”
     

Chapter 9
     
    After they’d cleared the table, Alice shooed Clint, Ella, and Carl out of the kitchen, insisting that they’d had a hard day and she could finish up. Alice had taught her family and Clint long ago that she didn’t want anyone feeling bad about her disability or that they had to baby her in any way. It was a matter of pride to her to be able to take care of her family.
    Clint followed Ella out onto the front porch. She leaned her forearms on the railing and looked out into the rainy night. The air smelled clean and fresh, and he moved so that he was standing at the railing beside her.
    Neither of them said anything for a long moment. Clint didn’t know where the words came from, but he found himself saying, “I’m hoping you’ll forgive me.”
    What did he want her to forgive him for? Being gone for so long? Or for Bucky’s death?
    Both. Although truth be told, he didn’t deserve her forgiveness.
    She turned her head and studied him. “You left us for a long time without a word. We didn’t know if you were alive or dead. And then you just show up one day and expect forgiveness?”
    He looked down for a moment at the old floorboards. When he looked back at her, he shook his head. “No. I don’t.”
    She studied him for a long moment before saying, “I’m going to check on Rosie and Ben.” She went to her muddy boots that were still on the porch. Clint turned to go with her but she shook her head. “I’m going alone.”
    He watched her and his gut twisted as she walked from the house and into the rain. Soon she was swallowed up by the darkness before appearing again when she reached the barn and stepped into the illumination given by the floodlight above the huge double doors. She opened one of the doors and slipped into the barn.
    What had made him ask for forgiveness like he had? It had just come out, like his heart was speaking and it was something he had to say.
    That wasn’t all he needed to say. He needed to sit down with Ella’s folks and apologize to them for what had happened to Bucky. They’d still have their son if it weren’t for him.
    Ella’s words came back to him, the words she’d spoken in the bar.
    “I can’t believe you would even think that after all those years that you weren’t like a part of the family. You were a second son to them.”
    And then what Alice had said at dinner tonight. “It was like we lost two sons when you left.”
    How could they still think of him as a part of the family?
    He rubbed the corners of his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. All he could do was ask Alice and Carl to forgive him.
    He turned away from the porch railing to put on his boots and follow Ella to the barn when the door opened and Carl walked through the doorway. He shut the door behind him before taking a seat in one of the three rocking chairs that were lined up along the porch on one side. A two-person swing was on the other side of the door.
    “Have a seat,” Carl said and nodded to the chair next to him.
    Clint obliged. It was clear that Carl wanted to talk, Clint just didn’t know what to expect but he hoped he knew the right words to say.
    Carl took a pipe out of his shirt pocket along with a pouch of tobacco. He tamped tobacco into the pipe before lighting it and taking a puff.
    “Ella go out to check on Rosie and her foal?” Carl asked.
    Clint nodded. “A few minutes ago.”
    For a long moment they sat in silence. Just as Clint was about to speak, Carl blew out smoke and said, “We’ve missed you, son. We were afraid you were gone and that we’d lost you both.”
    Clint swallowed past the lump that had reemerged in his throat. “I didn’t think you’d want me around after Bucky died.”
    Carl turned his gaze on Clint and frowned. “We needed you then, more than