Free Silver Heart by Victoria Green

had me so locked up. I was afraid that letting go would lead to making mistakes. I didn’t have to be a shrink to know where that panic came from. My parents had embedded me with a need for perfection. They demanded good grades and perfect behavior, but that wasn’t even the biggest issue. They had planted a little seed of doubt within my mind when I was a little girl and had watered it throughout my life. Nothing had ever been good enough for their daughter—no toy, no book, no friend—and the more perfect they thought I was, the harder I strained to attain this perfect image they had of me.
    However, I had been far from a perfect child and I was far from perfect now. I liked animals and had begged Santa for a dog every year; my mother thought all pets were harbingers of disease, dirty carpets, and house destruction. I preferred Rock and even Pop music to my father’s Classical collection. Hell, I had liked playing in the mud and splashing in rainbow-filled puddles after a rainy day. I wanted to be a photographer—not a doctor. I yearned for spontaneity and freedom, especially in relationships.
    I didn’t like pretty guys named Preston; I was much more drawn to dark and unpredictable Sawyers. Okay, one Sawyer. And as I tried to maintain my balance and complete one turn without falling for the hundredth time today, my mind shifted to the day that Sawyer tried to teach me to lose a little control.
     
    “Bend your knees!” Sawyer’s shouts cut through the cold air. He’s standing at the top of a small slope, watching me head straight for snowy doom. “Get low!”
    My snowboard doesn’t want to cooperate with my shaking body. The cursed object has a mind of its own and currently it’s stuck in a “way too fast” mode.
    “Turn. Now…now, Silver! Turn!”
    I stick my arms out, flapping my hands in the air in search of balance. But all that does is help me gain more speed as I soar down the hill.
    “Look where you want to go!” My brain hears the directions clearly, but my body can’t seem to follow them.
    Crap…crap…crap! I’m gonna die!
    At least we’re the only ones on the hill. Sawyer is teaching at the snowboarding school and has a key to the lift. We had snuck onto the premises after hours, so I don’t have to worry about anyone else witnessing my embarrassing demise. What fifteen-year-old looks this lost on a board? Shouldn’t I be feeling cool and rebellious?
    “Transfer your weight from your back edge to your front edge! You can do it!”
    Back edge? Front edge? I’m not in control of either edge! The waxy bottom of the board is perfectly flat, flush against the snow. I’m struggling to slow down and gain control.
    “Toes! Toes! Toes!” Sawyer is shouting. “Turn, Silver! Turn!”
    I can’t…I can’t…I can’t!
    “Watch out!”
    I shut my eyes and hold my breath as my toe edge connects with a rough patch of snow, sending me tumbling forward. My hands break my fall and a painful jolt rocks my entire body.
    Sawyer carves down the hill and is kneeling by my side before I can even get up.
    “Are you okay?” A look of genuine concern flashes in his eyes. “Are you hurt?”
    I’m hurt. And mortified. And I’m pissed off that I, once again, allowed myself to lose all control of the situation.
    I massage the stinging in my left wrist. “I’ll live.”
    “You have to relax, Silver,” he says, brushing off some powdery snow from my jacket.
    “Easier said than done, Sawyer,” I grumble.
    “When I’m riding, I feel free. Don’t you feel that?”
    “No,” I tell him honestly. “I feel like I’m going to die.”
    My parents see fear as a weakness, so I hide it around them. With Sawyer, I’m not afraid to speak my mind. As mortifying as it may be…I don’t mind admitting that I’m scared.
    He undoes his bindings and secures his board by sticking its edge into the snow. “Get up,” he says and holds both hands out to me. He’s wearing the black Burton gloves I got him for